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Band 5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #health #service #treatments
A number of
people
 advocate access to reliable and
state of the art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
 medical facilities
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 important
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any country. Advancement in medical
treatment
 and medical technology has dramatically increased its cost over the
last
 few years and has made it unaffordable for many
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
However
, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 primary duty of the state to take care of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
people
 and provide them
free
Change preposition
with free
show examples
health
services
. Personally, I argue
this
 statement
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons that will be discussed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
paragraphs
Fix the agreement mistake
paragraph
show examples
.
Firstly
, at
present
Add a comma
,present
show examples
 it would be extremely difficult for unemployed and aged
people
 to afford medical treatments in absence of free
health
services
. As they do not have any source of income,
thus
 it makes them more susceptible to death in the case of illness.
In addition
 to
this
, the government is responsible for the wellness of its citizens and
therefore
 should take necessary actions to improve
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
 by providing them lofty
treatment
 without charging any single penny.
Secondly
, the
health
 care
services
 should be
prioritising
Wrong verb form
prioritised
show examples
.
People
 may have access to consultation and other general
services
 without any restrictions. It is their legitimate right given by the government, to avail quality medical
treatment
 free of cost.
However
, some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
 as cancer and heart attack are more vulnerable and demand more attention and care,
thus
 making
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
treatment
 more expensive.
For instance
, free access to more specialises and expensive
treatment
 may need some restrictions and should need some legislation to select limited patients because of
excessive
Add an article
the excessive
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cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 involved. In conclusion, I would like to say that
health
 is
primary
Add an article
the primary
a primary
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 constituent of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives.
Therefore
, it should be funded and supported by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to provide good
health
services
 to their citizen without charging them.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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