IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #health #service #treatments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A number of
people
Use synonyms
 advocate access to reliable and
state of the art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
 medical facilities
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 important
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any country. Advancement in medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 and medical technology has dramatically increased its cost over the
last
Linking Words
 few years and has made it unaffordable for many
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
However
Linking Words
, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 primary duty of the state to take care of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and provide them
free
Change preposition
with free
show examples
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
. Personally, I argue
this
Linking Words
 statement
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons that will be discussed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
paragraphs
Fix the agreement mistake
paragraph
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, at
present
Add a comma
,present
show examples
 it would be extremely difficult for unemployed and aged
people
Use synonyms
 to afford medical treatments in absence of free
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
. As they do not have any source of income,
thus
Linking Words
 it makes them more susceptible to death in the case of illness.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, the government is responsible for the wellness of its citizens and
therefore
Linking Words
 should take necessary actions to improve
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 by providing them lofty
treatment
Use synonyms
 without charging any single penny.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
health
Use synonyms
 care
services
Use synonyms
 should be
prioritising
Wrong verb form
prioritised
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 may have access to consultation and other general
services
Use synonyms
 without any restrictions. It is their legitimate right given by the government, to avail quality medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 free of cost.
However
Linking Words
, some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as cancer and heart attack are more vulnerable and demand more attention and care,
thus
Linking Words
 making
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
treatment
Use synonyms
 more expensive.
For instance
Linking Words
, free access to more specialises and expensive
treatment
Use synonyms
 may need some restrictions and should need some legislation to select limited patients because of
excessive
Add an article
the excessive
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 involved. In conclusion, I would like to say that
health
Use synonyms
 is
primary
Add an article
the primary
a primary
show examples
 constituent of
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it should be funded and supported by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to provide good
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 to their citizen without charging them.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: