IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Each year, the crime rate increase. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity.

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More and more crimes are committed every year all around the world. The reasons for
such
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 a rise are diverse, though the main ones are economic and social. It is mainly the concern of the government to stop people from becoming criminals.
To begin
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 with, the number of crimes correlates with the socioeconomic situation in the area. It is more likely that a child will grow up as a criminal if he lives in slums in an underdeveloped region, if he does not have access to
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 education and if his parents are compelled to work overtime at
expense
Correct article usage
the expense
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 of the time with their kids to supply their families with basic things like food and clothes.
For instance
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, Mexican slums are notorious for drug dealing, manslaughtering, kidnapping and mugging which makes them an extremely dangerous place to visit. Of course, a child from Mexican slums is more likely to end up in prison than a youngster from a prosperous district somewhere in New York suburbs. Governments throughout the globe are trying to take action to reduce the number of crimes. It can be done on different levels: improving economic conditions on one hand, and,
on the other hand
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, providing social rehabilitation for prisoners.
For example
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, in
Israel
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Israel,
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 people who committed different offences and whose penalty is imprisonment have a right to study a university course or take exams to get a matriculation certificate
while
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 they are in prison.
To sum up
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, to prevent the increase in criminal activity the authorities should not only provide educational measures
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 improve the living standards of the citizens.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, and the main points are supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction and conclusion need to be more developed and clearly linked to the main body of the essay.
task achievement
The candidate has provided a complete response to the task, addressing both the causes of crime and potential solutions. The ideas are clear and comprehensive, and relevant examples are given to support the points made.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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