IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that going to a fitness centre regularly is unnecessary. Instead, they believe that combining occasional exercise (such as going for walks) with a balanced diet is enough to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #fitness #centre #exercise #diet
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Some claim that
a
Remove the article
apply
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regular fitness is not necessary.
Also
, they think they can mix outdoor
activities
,
such
 as walking, to balance with
diet
Correct pronoun usage
their diet
show examples
 to adequately keep their
health
. I definitely disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 view, and
this
 essay will point out
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of professional gym recommendations in detail.
Firstly
, relying on scattered
exercises
 and
occassional
Correct your spelling
occasional
activities
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 normal walking, no matter how tough it is,
people
 would not improve
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
 situation effectively.
For example
, a person could not gain sufficient and professional
exercises
 without a coach's guidance in
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
. As a matter of fact, first of all, an increasing number of obesity
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 appearing in the communities of the country.
Likewise
, some other
disaseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
,
such
 as high blood pressure, heart attack and diabetes,
are seriously impact
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seriously impact
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity's
Replace the word
human's
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health
. The World Obesity Federation published,
for example
, there will be one billion
people
 that are living with obesity as predicted by 2030.
Moreover
, most
people
 like that could not launch or facilitate their physical
activities
due to
 their laziness.
Also
, they would not gain better effects without
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
 tutor's advice.
Thus
, occasional
activities
 are not adequate
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
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health
.
Addtionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
people
 should have noticed their diet and control it well in spite of a few or more
exercises
 of losing weight as long as they would be healthy. In conclusion, only short-term
exercises
 are not enough to maintain
people
's
health
. All need to be strong and healthy should introduce advanced gym or fitness facilities, with
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
professional tutors. If so,
adding
Change preposition
by adding
show examples
 restricted food,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity would
sucessfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 retain their
health
 in the long run eventually.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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