The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
There are two charts that demonstrate the
houshold
Correct your spelling
household
energy
use
and the
greenhouse
gas
emissions in Australia at the same time which
energy
use
chart leads to
greenhouse
gas
. Generally, there are five categories for household
energy
consumption that there are heating and cooling,
waterheating
Correct your spelling
water heating
, refrigeration, lighting and other appliances. among them the most consumption of
energy
use
is in
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
category (heating and cooling).
However
,
this
category
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
greenhouse
gases. About 74% of
energy
uses include heating and cooling and water heating that water heating
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
of
gas
emissions.
Although
,
this
ratio for cooling and heating is about under 20%. For two other categories that
use
energy
, refrigeration and lighting, they
use
less than 10% for each of them. But, they produce double
greenhouse
gases 14% and 8% respectively.
Moreover
,
this
ratio is included for other
applances
Correct your spelling
appliances
that 15%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
use
it but 28% produce
greenhouse
gas
.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, use, greenhouse, gas with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Sustainable practices
  • Energy efficiency
  • Renewable energy
  • Fossil fuels
  • Carbon footprint
  • Eco-friendly appliances
  • Insulation
  • Solar panels
  • Recycling
  • Climate change
  • Kilowatt-hour (kWh)
  • Emissions-intensive
  • Energy audit
  • Smart meters
What to do next:
Look at other essays: