IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #health #future
It is undeniable that many aspects have a massive impact on our
health
 conditions.
However
 , I am convinced that the influence post a threat to our
life
. The average standard of human
health
 conditions is definitely going to decline. In the following essay , I'll outline my thoughts and reasons. With advanced technology,
such
 as tablets or smartphones , more and more devices are being invented. Unsurprisingly, businessmen create them to appeal to
people
 and stimulate consumption .
However
 , consumers are spending unnecessary time on these services , which will pose a threat to their
life
 because of addiction .
For example
, sleeping disorders or neglecting work .
On the other hand
 , not only technology is improved, but
also
 medical treatment . Nowadays , scientists do lots of experiments in order to extend
people
's
life
 or cure sickness. When
people
 get sick , taking medication is the top policy . Yet , we often ignore the potential risk factor that these medicines are kept in our bodies, the more we take , the more they are accumulated . In the long term , our organs are overwhelmed with these chemical products, which will ultimately jeopardize our
health
 . For those who disagree that future
health
 condition is going to downgrade , the advocates maintain the opinion , medicine cures everything .
Nevertheless
 , the treatment
attributed
Add a missing verb
is attributed
show examples
 to more potential diseases, which we shouldn't overdose them .
By way
Change preposition
Way
show examples
 of conclusion , it seems that there are different opinions on
this
 contentious issue.
Nonetheless
, the future
life
 standard might be upgraded , but the possibility of failure can't be disregarded. Hopefully,
people
's
health
 quality rate can increase, or even maintain .
Submitted by nanatsui on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: