Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitats at sea and have them relocated in amusement parks for the purpose of people's recreation. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Explain your reasons and support them with specific examples.

#move #ocean #creatures #habitats #sea #amusement #parks #purpose #people #recreation #outweigh #support

In the contemporary era, It is likely to move

sea

animals

from their natural environment to the ocean and bring them to entertainment parks for public leisure activities. In my opinion, there are several benefits and drawbacks to

this

statement.

Firstly

and foremost, the ocean creature's observation is overwhelming by ordinary society.

therefore

, it is a good opportunity for observation for the pupils and individuals.

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

they can earn information for their educational purposes.

For instance

, the enormous aquarium may establish where to locate in big cities,

thus

tourists and inhabitants undergo in order to observe creatures and obtain information in terms of nature.

Moreover

This

kind of institution increases the reputation and municipal income of the city. In Istanbul where I currently live, there is an aquarium istanbul placed in the city centre and plenty of people want to attend for amusement and educational purposes. In spite of the above advantages, These kinds of

animals

are vulnerable because their DNA resembles human nature. To

according

Add the preposition

toaccording

show examples

this

expression, their emotion is very strong like ours. In fact, destroying their habitats cause environmental incident because

sea

nature has its own rules.

Furthermore

, the extinction of

sea

animals

will havoc on

sea

life. As an illustration, enormous

sea

animals

soak toxic substances under the water so people filter these waters by technology in order to provide drinkable water for their community.

Moreover

, the extinction of

sea

animals

is prevented to experiment on their histories and ancestors. In conclusion, If an appropriate institution establishes for amusement activities

such

as the aquarium Istanbul, it has ample benefits for society.

On the other hand

, ocean

animals

are very vulnerable so moving their habitats causes extinction.

Submitted by erdinc.keserli on Sat Feb 18 2023

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

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