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Band 4.5

Some people think that the individuals who make the most money are the most successful. Others believe that the most successful are those who contribute to society, such as scientists and teachers. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers #perspectives
Numerous characters deem successful is who have more
money
,
whereas
 certain groups of people believe that sharing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 great
success
. In my opinion, I consider that successful is
deppend
Correct your spelling
depends
 on the situation
what
Correct word choice
and what
show examples
 is the successful mean to somebody. I will explain my viewpoints in detail in the ensuing paragraph. In
this
 present time,
money
 is the
greate
Correct your spelling
great
 power for many,
for example
, if someone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more
money
 he can buy what he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
,
in addition
, the lifestyle will be more
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
,
Moreover
, with more
money
 no need for work, most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 will be lazy and bad effects may happen,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 obesity and high pressure. Some people have a lot of
money
 that they inherited from their parents,
therefore
, their life will come easily. they can travel
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 buying precious things.
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Jewelry, phone, shoe,
bag
Correct word choice
and bag
show examples
. I
opposse
Correct your spelling
oppose
this
 opine.
Their
Replace the word
There
show examples
 is no denying that
money
 is important.
However
, The successful is the value that the person is have and give,
for instance
, if someone
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 he has
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
a responsibility
show examples
 to share his
knwledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 his community,
As a result
,
this
 generation will be more
education
Replace the word
educated
show examples
,
Furthermore
, some individual
say
Change the verb form
says
show examples
 that
success
 for the
success
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
, so not for
money
 or other things, I completely agree with
this
satate
Correct your spelling
state
ment
Correct your spelling
meant
.
TO
Correct your spelling
To
show examples
 conclude,
Although
,
money
 is crucial, sharing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society is the most successful for
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
.
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
is comes
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 first
then
money
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
second,
Submitted by mhoos.211 on

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Word Count

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A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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