IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

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The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of money spent on various household necessities in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 in 2010. The data is calibrated in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data indicate that in both cases food, housing and other goods and services were the main expenses
while
Linking Words
 both countries spent the least on health care. It can be clearly seen from the chart, in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 the greatest proportion of expenditure (34%) was on housing,
while
Linking Words
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 housing accounted for just 21% of the total. Followed by in
Japan
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 the greatest single expense was other goods and services at 29%, compared with 26% in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, food came in second place in
Japan
Use synonyms
, at 24%,
while
Linking Words
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 the actual proportion was higher (27%). In
Japan
Use synonyms
, another major expense was transport, at 20%, but
this
Linking Words
 was much lower in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 (10%). Surprisingly, in both countries, the smallest percentage of expenditure was on health care.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • proportion
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • living standards
  • real estate market
  • public transportation
  • private transportation
  • infrastructure
  • government healthcare policies
  • quality of life
  • holistic view
  • inflation
  • economic growth
  • societal norms
  • globalization
  • communication expenses
  • education expenses
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