IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is often considered that the working week should be limited and employees should have a longer weekend. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because workers will have more
time
Use synonyms
 to themselves , and they will be able to engage in other productive activities.
To begin
Linking Words
, employees should have their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for self-care and daily responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 is for their self-care, clinic appointments, relaxation, shopping, cooking and other household chores. Staff often
work
Use synonyms
 tirelessly and forget to look after themselves
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
thus
Linking Words
, most of them break down , and
this
Linking Words
 can lead to
health
Use synonyms
 issues
such
Linking Words
 as migraine headaches, fatigue and body pain.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their gross pay does not cover their
health
Use synonyms
 expenses.
For example
Linking Words
, people who
work
Use synonyms
 in an organisation like banks, offices and schools
work
Use synonyms
 non-stop. Many of them develop obesity and fatigue because they do not take their
health
Use synonyms
 and self-care seriously.
In addition
Linking Words
, some do not have the luxury of
time
Use synonyms
 to shop for their groceries and foodstuffs.
Hence
Linking Words
, they buy fast food made of unknown ingredients
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is detrimental to consumers’
health
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, workers should have more
time
Use synonyms
 away from
work
Use synonyms
 to be productive. Individuals tend to realise other things they are good at, apart from their various 9-5 jobs. They can discover their talents and how they can be creative on their own. Some might
also
Linking Words
 be interested in starting their own businesses.
For instance
Linking Words
, many artists
work
Use synonyms
 part-
time
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 pursuing their careers, which allows them to make a living, but because some of them are not too consumed with their jobs, they realised they could do more and
further
Linking Words
 pursue their personal dream. They can pursue careers
such
Linking Words
 as becoming artists, rappers, actresses, fashion stylists and many more.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 allows people to connect with friends, family and their loved ones. In conclusion, the working week should be shorter and weekends should be longer , as it allows the employees to look after themselves and improves their productivity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more direct in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, but a few are not needed.
task achievement
Give one clear example and explain it more deeply.
task achievement
Develop your second main point more clearly so it feels stronger.
task achievement
Check small grammar and word choice problems because they can make meaning less clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your position is clear from the start and stays the same.
task achievement
You give relevant reasons about health, free time, and personal growth.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: