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Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Many folks think that accepting
unsatisfying
Correct article usage
an unsatisfying
show examples
 situation is better,
whereas
 others believe that trying to overcome the situation is the best solution. In my opinion,
people
 should fight to rise from the problems in their
lives
.
People
 tend to accept bad
situations
 mainly because of their lower level of motivation. In other words, folks who lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
 often try to settle down with negative
situations
. For an instance, some individuals choose the most unsatisfying occupation and suffer for the rest of their
lives
. Another example is that some
people
, do not fight back when they get
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 amount of money in their jobs which makes their
lives
 even harder.
Instead
 of accepting a hard situation,
people
 should boost their motivation to improve their
lives
.
However
, there is an increasing number of
people
 who face hard times successfully and achieve better results. They make
counter actions
Correct your spelling
counteractions
show examples
 to tackle horrible problems, and
as a result
, they surpass the stress of being in a problem. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, if someone doing an awful job, that person can boost
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his/her skills in order to get a better job.
Besides
, if someone experiences issues
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 income, the best option would be to work hard or to change the job which can increase the income. In my opinion, bad
situations
 are great opportunities for
people
 to understand and identify their potential.
In addition
, improving horrible time periods or
situations
 in life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 leads to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 society and the country in the long run.
To conclude
,
people
 should try to improve bad
situations
 in their
lives
instead
 of accepting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. It is true that they are some additional
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
show examples
 to make but the end result will be much
satisfying
Correct quantifier usage
more satisfying
show examples
.
Submitted by dmdeemanthakasun on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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