IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows percentages from a study of residents who purchased coffee and tea, in five metropolitan areas of Australia, within the last four weeks.

The bar chart shows percentages from a study of residents who purchased coffee and tea, in five metropolitan areas of Australia, within the last four weeks.
#bar #percentages #study #residents #coffee #tea #five #areas #australia #four #weeks
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates how many people in five cities in Australia purchase beverages
such
Linking Words
 as
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of all city dwellers visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
a café for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of those who purchased instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the least throughout all cities. The most outstanding feature of
this
Linking Words
 chart is the percentage of customers who went to a café for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
, which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
all accounted for over 55% except those who live in Adelaide (approximately 50%). The proportion of Hobart is the highest percentage among the people who enjoyed instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
 which constitute roughly 55%. Sydney and
Melbourne
Add the possessive form
Melbourne's
show examples
 residents had similar habits of drinking
while
Linking Words
 Brisbane and
Adelaide
Add the possessive form
Adelaide's
show examples
 dwellers were
also
Linking Words
 alike. The former group of people had more fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 or visited a café for
beverage
Add an article
a beverage
the beverage
show examples
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than the latter group.
However
Linking Words
, the latter group of consumers had more instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
 (around 53% and 50%, respectively).
Submitted by toybox29 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, weeks with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: