IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think studying from the past offers no benefits to today’s life, while others believe history is a valuable source of information for us. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #today’s #life #history #source #information
Over the past few decades, there are significant changes happened in the
world
. It is a common public opinion that there is no advantage of studying past in the contemporary life,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 say, it gives more knowledge.
Therefore
,
following
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
 essay will explain both sides and my viewpoint in detail and will reach a proper conclusion. In the modern era, History plays a vital role in the development of the country and
also
 in improving technology and health. History is the lesson for the present life.
For instance
, researchers make new drugs on the
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
 of old studies conducted by ancient scientists.
Furthermore
, the oldest treatment called
ayurveda
Capitalize word
Ayurveda
show examples
 is still followed by many people. Nowadays, most surgeries like Heart Transplation are derived from an old book named
rejuveda
Change the capitalization
Rejuveda
show examples
.
In addition
 to
this
, so many devotional books like the bible, and Quran are used to enhance our religious knowledge. In the
world
, the most-read book is the Bible.
On the other hand
, sticking to old thoughts will lead to more dangerous situations. To cite an example, the recent pandemic occurred in the
world
. In past research, people say there were no mutations in influenza but recent issues
eliminate
Wrong verb form
eliminated
show examples
 the old concept. There are so many mutations that come from Covid 19. Because of
this
 so many people died and society is still struggling. Another example is, studying
world war
Correct your spelling
World War
show examples
 2 in present. There is no use in the current community knowing about
world war
Correct your spelling
World War
show examples
 2. There is no war happening now.
To conclude
, personally
Add a comma
,
show examples
I advocate the second view opposing the first. Information about history always gives a feeling of a crown on the head.
Submitted by anjualex444 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion lack clarity and coherence. The essay structure needs improvement in order to present the arguments effectively.
task achievement
The essay lacks a comprehensive and complete response to the task. The arguments presented are not fully developed, and the examples provided are not well connected to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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