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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Are the problems than international travellers cause greater than the advantages they bring？ Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience.

International
tourism
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 has been greatly developing over the past years and plays a huge role in the industry. Certainly, there must be some problems caused by international
travellers
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 and
also
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 advantages they bring to the
countries
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 they have visited. Personally, I think the benefits it brings are way greater than the drawbacks
due to
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 several reasons that are going to be discussed. There will be some benefits from travelling as one of the fastest-growing industries all around the world, and the number of
travellers
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 from many different
countries
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is increasing steadily.
First,
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tourism
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 will indirectly help a country's economy as it earns a huge amount of revenue from the international tourists who visit the country.
Moreover
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,
travellers
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 tend to share their experience of travelling to destinations on their personal social media, and
such
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 habits will benefit the local sites and help them become more popular among the international tourists, especially if the
travellers
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 had a great experience on the trip.
Additionally
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, in developing
countries
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 like Indonesia,
tourism
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 plays a huge role in helping the country be recognised internationally.
Thus
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, cooperation will be formed with other
countries
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 and will surely help in developing various fields.
In addition
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,
although
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 international
tourism
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 may cause several problems , including the destruction of nature, but still,
tourism
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 can still lead to better impacts ,
such
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 as reducing the number of unemployment. To illustrate, nowadays, in Bali , Indonesia, the destination for most tourists, locals tend to have another opportunity to make an additional income as a tour guide ,
besides
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 their actual job as a farmer.
Thus
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, it can significantly reduce the number of unemployed . In summary, I believe that international
tourism
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 brings a lot of benefits that outweigh the disadvantages and even help the
countries
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 in any way possible.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
content
Add more points on the bad side of travel, like harm to nature, culture, and jobs.
coherence
Make each idea a paragraph with a clear link word to the next one.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences and common words; avoid long, complex sentences.
editing
Check for small errors in space, spelling, and grammar.
idea
The writer shows a clear view that tourism brings more good than bad.
example
An example from Bali is used to show impact on jobs.
structure
Some linking words are used to show order of ideas.
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