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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003 to 2012

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003 to 2012
#changes #place #three #areas #crime #port #city #center
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The line graph provides the differences that took place in three different categories of crime (burglary,
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
, and robbery (
theft
Use synonyms
 from the person)) in New Port city
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 between 2003 and 2012.
It is clear that
Linking Words
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and robbery trends
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
similarly
Linking Words
 fluctuated
while
Linking Words
 burglary saw
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
drop
Use synonyms
. First of all,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of incidents of
car
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theft
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were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 around 2700 between 2003 and 2005, before it
drop
Use synonyms
 to exactly 2000 in 2006. After that,
car
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theft
Use synonyms
 gradually increased to reach 2700 again in 2012.
Similarly
Linking Words
, robbery was 500 in 2003
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and grew by almost 400 to reach 900 in 2005, before it
drop
Use synonyms
 to 500 by 2008. Since
then
Linking Words
, it fluctuated between 750 in 2010 and 600 in 2011 before
Add an article
the rise
a rise
show examples
rise
Change the verb form
rising
show examples
 to 750 in 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, burglary increased to around 4000 in 2004, which was 3400 in 2003. Since
then
Linking Words
, it saw
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
drop
Use synonyms
 of 2500 to reach 1200 in 2800, before it showed
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 increase of 200 to 1400 in 2009. Between 2009 and 2012,
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 number was
similarly
Linking Words
 at 1400.
Submitted by ganorgil0927 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words car, theft, drop with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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