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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #individuals #societies #levels #achievement #merits #relationship #equality #success
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In recent days, it is undoubtedly true that personal
merits
 and
equality
 have been made the standard of
success
. A group of
people
 support the notion that personal
success
 is more important in developing one’s career,
however
, some of them reject
this
 opinion. Given
this
situation
,
it is clear that
 both perspectives are good, but I personally believe that personal
success
 will be more significant than enacted
equality
. To start with,
equality
 can bind the positive relationships between others. Surrounded by a homogenous
society
,
people
 who live in an egalitarian can feel that they are in the same condition and they should help each other.
Consequently
, positive bounding between each other can appear in
this
situation
.
For instance
, if
equality
 in some offices has been enacted by the companies, social jealousy will never come up. Because of
this
situation
, there will be no competition between the workers and make their relationship will be more harmonic.
On the other hand
, personal
merits
 may lead someone to be more independent. Forced to deal with some problems,
people
 who live in the highly-value-personal
merits
society
 may be familiar with some difficult situations.
Then
, they can learn from their own mistakes and get more independent as time goes on.
Thus
, prioritizing personal merit may lead to the independence of
people
. In my perspective, another positive reason why personal
success
 is essential is to enlarge the variety of fields that
society
 can handle. Being born with different innate skills,
people
 can master
this
 aptitude and use it in
society
. Unlike living
equality
, they can express their ability and make a
society
 full of
people
 who have different skills. All in all,
although
equality
 supports the harmonic relationship between
people
, the value of personal
merits
 might be a more significant impact
such
 as reducing the reliance on others and increasing the various expert in
society
. Regarding
this
situation
, I suggest that the environment should take real action to enact rules that support personal
merits
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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