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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent days, it is undoubtedly true that personal
merits
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 and
equality
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 have been made the standard of
success
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. A group of
people
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 support the notion that personal
success
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 is more important in developing one’s career,
however
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, some of them reject
this
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 opinion. Given
this
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situation
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,
it is clear that
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 both perspectives are good, but I personally believe that personal
success
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 will be more significant than enacted
equality
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. To start with,
equality
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 can bind the positive relationships between others. Surrounded by a homogenous
society
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,
people
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 who live in an egalitarian can feel that they are in the same condition and they should help each other.
Consequently
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, positive bounding between each other can appear in
this
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situation
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.
For instance
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, if
equality
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 in some offices has been enacted by the companies, social jealousy will never come up. Because of
this
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situation
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, there will be no competition between the workers and make their relationship will be more harmonic.
On the other hand
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, personal
merits
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 may lead someone to be more independent. Forced to deal with some problems,
people
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 who live in the highly-value-personal
merits
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society
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 may be familiar with some difficult situations.
Then
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, they can learn from their own mistakes and get more independent as time goes on.
Thus
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, prioritizing personal merit may lead to the independence of
people
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. In my perspective, another positive reason why personal
success
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 is essential is to enlarge the variety of fields that
society
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 can handle. Being born with different innate skills,
people
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 can master
this
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 aptitude and use it in
society
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. Unlike living
equality
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, they can express their ability and make a
society
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 full of
people
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 who have different skills. All in all,
although
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equality
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 supports the harmonic relationship between
people
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, the value of personal
merits
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 might be a more significant impact
such
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 as reducing the reliance on others and increasing the various expert in
society
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. Regarding
this
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situation
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, I suggest that the environment should take real action to enact rules that support personal
merits
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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