IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people tend to take temporary jobs, for they have time to do other things. Do the advantage outweighs disadvantage

#people #jobs #time #advantage
In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era, working for a short
time
 becomes popular. Some people believe that it has a plethora of benefits
such
 as
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 money fast when you needed urgently,
rehabilitate
Wrong verb form
rehabilitating
show examples
 your
life
 in special
cases
 and so on.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are arguments like low-salary, unstable
life
 and no career promotion. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss both sides of one coin and draw my own opinion. Let’s start by looking at
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
. Temporary
jobs
 can help to make money for more relevant things in your
life
. What I mean by saying
this
 is that if you study at the University you should pay for
this
 and temporary
jobs
 like in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurant or bars on vacation can considerably help to pay
it
Change preposition
for it
show examples
.
In addition
, working for a short
time
 can assist to rehabilitate your
life
 in a particular
time
 period.
For example
, many inmates when they are released from prison should adapt to
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 especially after doing
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
. They are not qualified for some acute
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and temporary
jobs
 are the best way to
adaptation
Replace the word
adapt
show examples
.
On the other hand
, working for a short
time
 doesn’t ensure a good salary. It is obvious because in many
cases
 temporary
jobs
 are not needed some real qualifications or certificates from college. Take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
delivery
companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
company
show examples
 as an example.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
 of
workers
Correct article usage
the workers
show examples
 in these companies don’t have any
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 yet (because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many of them
students
Add a missing verb
are students
show examples
, pupils, toddlers etc.). Another drawback is in many situations temporary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 cannot ensure you a bright career promotion and lead to unstable
life
. It means that you actually don’t work in these types of
jobs
 for a long
time
, because companies hire you just for a
while
 or to finish one job and
then
 you need to look for another job.
This
 scenario leads to
disorder
Correct article usage
a disorder
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
. What’s
more
Add a comma
,more
show examples
 it’s difficult to focus on
Correct pronoun usage
your goal
show examples
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 and organise your
life
.
As a result
 people just
emotional
Change the word
emotionally
show examples
burn out
Correct your spelling
burnout
show examples
.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion, temporary
jobs
 actually can assist you
in particular
cases
 as I wrote above. But if you want balanced
life
 and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 salary including
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 career,
then
 temporary
jobs
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not your cup of tea. In my opinion, everything depends
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
life
 situations. So, I partly agree with it because in some
cases
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of temporary
jobs
 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
Submitted by saparzhaksylyk0101 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: