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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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Today, we consume more unhealthy food than ever before in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the percentage of overweighted humans
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
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growing
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to grow
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. Many
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 argue that the best way to deal with it is to add more
P
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.
E
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.
lessons
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while
Linking Words
 we are at
the
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apply
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school. Personally, I agree that more
P
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.
E
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.
lessons
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 would benefit students,
Linking Words
however
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,however
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 it could be not enough. In any
Change the noun form
sport
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sports
Add a comma
,sports
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 consistency is very important and by introducing more obligatory
P
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.
E
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.
lessons
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 we would increase it. Nowadays, children do not do exercises by themselves, so some intensive sports 2-3
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 a
week
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 would be very helpful for teenagers.
For instance
Linking Words
, a friend of mine who had serious
weight
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 issues started to play basketball 3 times a
week
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 for 1 hour per session and after 3 months only he began looking very fit.
However
Linking Words
, as I mentioned before,
Correct article usage
a sport
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 routine could be not enough. If a child trains 3 times a
week
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,
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apply
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 but consumes
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
fast-food
 on a daily basis, he will not
loose
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lose
show examples
the
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apply
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weight
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. Diet experts maintain that nutrition is extremely crucial in
weight
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losses
Fix the agreement mistake
loss
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, maybe even more important than
trainings
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training
pieces of training
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. So, if we want to care about children’s
weight
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, we
shoud undrestand
Correct your spelling
should understand
 the importance of healthy food and try to share
this
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 information with teenagers at school. In conclusion, I can assume that a consistent sport routine and a good diet are both needed to help children with their
weight
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. What I suggest is that we should introduce more
P
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.
E
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.
lessons
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 in our schools,
however
Linking Words
, teachers and trainers need to focus more on
a
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apply
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nutrition. If children ate
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 hamburgers and sweets and did some sports 2-3 times a
week
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, they would be not
overweighted
Replace the word
overweight
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 and healthy.
Submitted by moscowmicky on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
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