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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until theyare six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from ayoung age?

#people #children #home #theyare #six #seven #years #school #ayoung #age
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Some individuals argue that the childhood less than 7 years old should stay at
home
,
while
 others
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that attending school as early as possible is crucial. From my perspective, I believe that youth who earlier participate in school have advantages outweigh disadvantages fields.
To begin
 with,
although
 some argue that
children
 ought to stay and play at
home
,
This
 might negatively affect parents who have inadequate time to oversee their
children
thus
 they need to hire a babysitter to look after their kids which leads to costly expenses,
moreover
 juveniles might not gain effective training because guardians do have not sufficient knowledge to practice them in appropriate ways which can lead to intellectual problems.
In addition
, a
home
 might have inadequate space for some activities
such
 as outdoor sports which can lead to physical issues.
On the other hand
, attending kindergarten as early as possible leads to positive effects because the institutions will provide an appropriate method to educate youth,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 juveniles easily learn what instructors provide them.
Furthermore
,
children
 can be taught how to interact with others
such
 as peers or teachers and
also
 they can participate in various activities which can improve their intellectual, emotional and physical parts.
Besides
 those can learn to practice
according to
 regulations which make them become good behaviour. In conclusion,
although
 some argue that
children
 need to stay
home
 until the appropriate age to join kindergarten, I concur that learning institutions will provide appropriate methods to youth which can enhance intellectual, emotional and physical schemes
therefore
 juveniles should attend school as early as possible.
Submitted by Soi_nat on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented and aligned with the main content of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that the response fully addresses all aspects of the task, including advantages and disadvantages of attending school from a young age.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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