IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#job #demands #stress #sense #commitment #people #work #tasks #health #support #point
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Nowadays, many workers choose to go to
work
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 despite being ill because of
work
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 demands, stress, and dedication. They think they will accomplish their tasks, but they might put their colleagues at risk of getting infected. In my opinion, I believe that a sick
person
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 should take a break from
work
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 to concentrate on their
health
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 and increase
productivity
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. One of the main reasons for my opinion is that when a
person
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 gets ill, their body cannot
work
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 properly. During sickness, our body feels exhausted, and our brain is not in a good position because of stress.
As a result
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, it affects our mental
health
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, and a
person
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 can go into depression to meet their deadline and
work
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 in their sick condition. That's why it is better to take a day off, stay at home, and get rest so that they can relax and concentrate on their
health
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. We need to know the value of our
health
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 and take good care of it.
In addition
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 to
this
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, another reason why most employees opt to go to the office
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their sick conditions is that they want to complete their tasks before deadlines to increase their
productivity
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. An organization or a
company
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's success depends on the working conditions of its employees. If a worker gets ill but still chooses to
work
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,
then
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this
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 will affect the
productivity
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 of the
company
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. In
this
Linking Words
 condition, a
person
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 cannot focus on their task properly despite their dedication to completing their task.
This
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 might result in some mistakes in their
work
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 despite their hard
work
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 affecting
productivity
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a
person
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 must prioritize their
health
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 for their own and their
company
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's sake and should avoid going to
work
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 during illness. In conclusion, it is good that people are dedicated to their
work
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;
however
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, it is better to avoid working in sickness to focus on their
health
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 and their
company
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's success.
Submitted by khumaira540 on

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Vocabulary
Consider using varied sentence structures and more complex vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your argument.
Examples
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Real-life scenarios or statistics can provide convincing evidence to support your point of view.
Structure
To further improve coherence, ensure transitions between paragraphs are smooth, making the progression from one idea to the next seamless.
Introduction
You presented a clear and comprehensive introduction to the topic, laying a strong foundation for your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarized your argument, reinforcing your stance on not working during illness.
Coherence & Cohesion
The coherence and logical structuring of your essay facilitated a smooth reading experience.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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