IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many People Work Long Hours, Leaving Very Little Time For Leisure Activities

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities
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there is no doubt
people
Use synonyms
 care more
to
Change preposition
about
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 their careers. Working for long hours leaves less time for entertaining activities.
this
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 essay will discuss two aspects in the following content.
Firstly
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, working long hours has some benefits. If
people
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 work extra
then
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 they can take
Add an article
the promotion
a promotion
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promotion
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promotions
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 and achieve good money ,so they can easily buy a new home and facilities
also
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 going overseas for holidays is easy for them.
beside
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Besides
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 these employees have
a
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apply
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better
self confidence
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self-confidence
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 about
themselvs
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
for
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instance
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,instance
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hardworker
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hard worker
hardworking
 employers who take good wages can experience a comfortable
life
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 which let them
to
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apply
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feel extraordinary and enjoy
from
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apply
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their
life
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.
Secondly
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, working long hours will increase family problems.
people
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 who work a lot have no time to spend with their family so , they don't take responsibility for their emotional partners and children like school programs and children's activities.
in addition
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, busy employees pay attention less to their health because they spend huge time in their office
while
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 suffering lots of pressure ,
thus
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 probably in the
future
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,future
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 these successful
people
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 will face different serious sicknesses .
For instance
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, nowadays
people
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 devote themselves to their job to provide facilities for their own
family
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families
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while
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 the satisfaction of
life
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 has decreased
as well as
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 divorce and mental issues have risen in recent years.
To sum up
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, I believe working too hard has more disadvantages
instead
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 of benefits to it. it is not reasonable to are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
to
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of
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 and forget
diffrent
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different
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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 of
life
Use synonyms
. to care
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about diffrent
show examples
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
parts of
life
Use synonyms
 is essential for
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
.
Submitted by mohammad.jeddinia on

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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