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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that modern telecommunication devices have many benefits for people, while others think otherwise? What is your opinion?

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As time flew, the crucial presence of state-of-the-art communication devices represented to individuals a diversity of invaluable advantages in human daily activities.
Hence
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, a controversial argument aimed at both the merits and drawbacks of modern gadgets occurred and I firmly agree that the former is a convinced bias despite its counterpart still possessing a few grave perils. On the one hand, it is universally accepted that there are a few negative influences involved with the emergence of cutting-edge telecommunication
whereas
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 the first consequence is people might easily be over-reliant on virtual interaction.
This
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 should be assessed as a sensitive matter because it could decline the physical connection among people which apparently causes a sedentary lifestyle. The young generation would be a compelling example when it is extremely common to look for a junior couple sitting opposite each other in a coffee shop but still transmitting messages for communication purposes. Health issues, particularly myopia
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
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 a significant result of using smartphones or laptops since the hazardous blue light(HEV) could damage human eyes, which is radiated from the screen. In fact,
this
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 problem can probably bring a few obstacles in our daily life, it is wise to assume that they can be solved by some solutions.
On the other hand
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, these developments are still playing an inextricable role.
Firstly
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, possessing a smartphone would be a marvellous conduit for information exchange in different aspects of life, especially for members of the public studying abroad. Imagine in the past they were likely to send a letter to their relatives which cost them approximately a week, let alone the period for the response. Had it not been for the appearance of novel technology, those students
could
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would
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 not have made any video conferences or even phone calls regardless of both physical distance and time consumption.
Last
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 but not least, smart gadgets are considered an instrument for humans to make friends through media,
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram, and so forth. In conclusion, the overwhelming development in cutting-edge telecommunication has created an intensive impact on humans.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that they are significantly vital to our
life
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lives
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 despite some potential risks.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's opinion and a preview of the main points. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the writer's stance and the main arguments.
task achievement
There is a need to provide a more complete response to the prompt by addressing both sides of the argument and presenting a balanced viewpoint.
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