IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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Last
Linking Words
years
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year's
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 research shows us a rising
problem
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 of obesity and other
health
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 problems.
Main
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The main
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 reason for
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is junk
food
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.
Proposed
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The proposed
A proposed
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 solution
for
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apply
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how to solve it is taxation. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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,essay
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 I summarize
Correct article usage
the pro
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pro
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pros
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 and cons and give my opinion. All surveys indicate
on
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apply
show examples
growing
health
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 problems in society. Obesity is one of them.
Main
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The main
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 reason for
this
Linking Words
change
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 is unhealthy
food
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. It is easy to buy and easy to prepare, so many families use it almost every day.
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The specialist
A specialist
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Specialist
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Specialists
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 told us that the best way to handle
health
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 problems is to increase taxes on junk
food
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.
This
Linking Words
 solution was implemented in many countries
last
Linking Words
 few years. It is too early to summarize tax
change
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, but in my
opinion
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,opinion
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 people
doesn’t
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don’t
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 like forced changes. I believe that tax can
effect
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affect
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 only on short
time
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 and does not work on every family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the achievements of mankind
such
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 as processed meal
is
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are
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 rather neutral for us. The real
problem
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 is
frequency
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the frequency
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 of
usage
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using
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and forgetting about the social changes. In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 80 years our way of life, how we work and spent
free
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our free
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time
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 and what we ate completely changed. Nowadays we do not have enough
time
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 for activities like shopping, cooking,
active
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and active
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 relaxation. I believe that the real solution is to
change
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 our mindset and come back to
knowledge
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knowing
show examples
Change preposition
of how
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how
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of how
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 important is to buy good quality foods,
Correct word choice
and have
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have
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and have
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time
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 to
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properly
show examples
Change the word
properly
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proper
Replace the word
properly
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 process it. We need to come back to work-life balance. Only
complexed
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complex
show examples
Use synonyms
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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our
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in our
show examples
 life can have
impact
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an impact
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 on our
health
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 (and future). Summarizing I can agree that the easiest way to handle
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
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problem
Use synonyms
 is to tax junk
food
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. But in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 only the complex changes I suggest can
change
Use synonyms
 us for
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term.
Submitted by BEST Piotr Czerwiński on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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