IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibilty towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The main role of business is to produce and distribute goods and services to satisfy public needs or demands. I agree with the viewpoint that aside from gaining profit, they
have
Correct word order
also have
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also
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 duties to pursue towards the community. Nowadays, businesses are all around the corner
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 aside from making
money
Punctuation problem
money,
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 they have to follow the rules and regulations to operate a business.
For instance
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, most souvenir shops sell
over-pricing
Use the right word
overpriced
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 goods to tourists,
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while
Change preposition
although
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 the price is not really expensive as they thought and not really handmade as well, they give wrong information ,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 they do not follow the pricing standard of the government. It is not because the financial officer cannot monitor them every now and
then
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,
they
Correct word choice
but they
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 should
also
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 be true and honest to the customers.
In addition
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, they must not cause any harm to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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, animals and all living
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
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,
Punctuation problem
.
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For example
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, there is one factory near my hometown forced to close, for the reason that people nearby
complains
Wrong verb form
complained
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 of difficulty breathing and plants
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 dying,
because of
Change preposition
due to
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 the thick smoke coming from the factory, which
found
Verb problem
was found
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 out, that the factory
releases
Wrong verb form
release
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 dangerous chemicals. Aside from that,
making
Wrong verb form
to make
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 a profit
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 have to make sure that it will not create problems, which includes health and safety in the
place
Use the right word
workplace
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. In conclusion, aside from making money, business individuals should follow the rules and regulations,
as well as
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 the safety and protection of everybody,
having
Correct word choice
and having
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 a genuine and pure heart to serve the people and society is equally important in making a profit.

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organization
Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph to state your point
grammar
Check grammar and fix run-on sentences and comma errors
lexis
Use correct word form and choose simple, clear words
content
Add more specific examples and detail to back your points
content
The writer shows a clear view and tries to back it with examples
structure
There is a flow of ideas across paragraphs
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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