Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapinness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #hapinness #happiness

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is often thought that

financially

Add a missing verb

being financially

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abundant is the prime reason to have a happy

life

. It appears to me that

money

can be

significant

Add an article

a significant

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factor in promoting

happiness

however

Add a comma

,however

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there are

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

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several factors to be fulfilled in

life

. On one hand, it seems there

are

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evidence that

money

can provide

happiness

to everyone. Being

finacially

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financially

comfortable in

life

can

benefits

Change the verb form

benefit

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a person by having a

worry free

Add a hyphen

worry-free

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life

which can lead to

happiness

. A good example of

this

is when you can purchase your basic necessities and travel

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all the places.

However

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believe that there are some people

that

Correct word choice

who

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despite

Change preposition

apply

show examples

minimal cash

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

opt to choose to be happy. In the

Philippines

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,Philippines

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it is quite surprisingly seen kids who lived in

the

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apply

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slum areas

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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rarely experience

to eat

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eating

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twice a day

due to

have

Wrong verb form

having

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a low salary but still

have

Wrong verb form

having

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a smile on their

face

Fix the agreement mistake

faces

show examples

This

shows that the factors for

happiness

Change the verb form

are

show examples

dependent on each individual views. There are

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

various factors that contribute towards being happy.

Firstly

, having

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apply

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prime health outweigh being rich. Even if you have millions in the bank but when your body is malfunctioning it will be useless.

Secondly

happy

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the happy

a happy

show examples

family can not be purchased

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with

show examples

money

. A strong family is built

Change preposition

through

show examples

time and effort. People

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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usually bond by blood and choose to respect each individual.

Lastly

, safety is a major problem

Change preposition

for

show examples

rich

Add an article

the rich

a rich

show examples

individual

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individuals

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. They

usually

Add a missing verb

are usually

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the target

for

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some illegal prospects.

Overall

, it seems

having

Change the verb form

to have

show examples

considerably

Replace the word

considerable

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amount of

money

can give

happiness

to people, but there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

quite a lot of important

life

experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

show examples

that cash is not essential.

Submitted by Maria_magsakay on Tue Feb 21 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapinness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the future, more people will chose to go on holidays in their own country and not travel abroad on holidays. Do you agree or disagree?

Should bicycles be the only means of transportation in city centers?

Some people think intelligent children should learn with others together, since it will benefit for everyone while other people think intelligent children should learn separately and also should get special treatment. Discuss both sides points and give your own opinion.

Many goods including what we use on daily basis produced by other countries need to be transported from a long distance.To what extent Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages