IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A balance between family and
work
Use synonyms
 is what
parents
Use synonyms
 seek in life.
However
Linking Words
, not many couples these days are successful in nailing those two aspects at the same time.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the causes and the possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 matter. The first reason is a lack of financial planning. Money is one of the most significant aspects that can bring
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
peace of mind in maintaining family stability.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are a lot of
parents
Use synonyms
 who usually become busy at
work
Use synonyms
 because they do not have enough money and they need to earn more in order to fulfil their family needs.
Hence
Linking Words
, they somehow do not have any other choice than to
work
Use synonyms
 harder at the office. Actually,
this
Linking Words
 situation will unlikely happen if
parents
Use synonyms
 can somehow plan their
budget
Use synonyms
 first before the marriage. We know that sometimes there are unpredictable expenses, but planning it earlier will anticipate and solve the chaotic unbalanced
work
Use synonyms
-life condition.
For example
Linking Words
, married couples can start sorting and prioritizing their monthly spending and
also
Linking Words
 incomes, or maybe they can hire a professional financial planner in order to make sure their
budget
Use synonyms
 will not be over-expended,
therefore
Linking Words
, they have time to spend with family. The
last
Linking Words
 reason is a tight
work
Use synonyms
 policy. When people
work
Use synonyms
 in a company, they need to obey some rules, so that they can still perform at
work
Use synonyms
 and get their salary. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of cases where companies are too strict in giving their employees days off or even fair working hours. In order to solve that issue, it is better for
parents
Use synonyms
 to negotiate or even make a bold decision to leave
such
Linking Words
 a toxic office environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can tell their manager about the family situation honestly. If it does not
work
Use synonyms
, they may consider finding other jobs that can understand their priority. In summary, an absence of
budget
Use synonyms
 planning and strict working rules are the main causes why
parents
Use synonyms
 find it hard to maintain their
work
Use synonyms
-family life. To solve those two matters, they can start making
budget
Use synonyms
 planning and
also
Linking Words
 avoiding unhealthy workplaces.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

advice
Task Response: The essay addresses the causes of the issue and provides possible solutions, but the depth of analysis could be improved. It would benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the reasons behind the lack of financial planning and tight work policy.
advice
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is generally clear, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed. Additionally, the essay would benefit from stronger topic sentences and smoother transitions between paragraphs.
advice
Lexical Resource: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but some expressions are repetitive or could be replaced with more precise language. Additionally, the use of academic language could be enhanced to improve the overall lexical resource.
advice
Grammatical Range: The essay shows a good command of grammar and a variety of sentence structures. Some errors are present, particularly in article and preposition use, which could be minimized for a higher score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • support systems
  • childcare
  • traditional gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • financial stability
  • flexible working hours
  • remote work options
  • burnout
What to do next:
Look at other essays: