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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should not be given toys as they distract them in their studies, whereas others believe that toys always help them in their education. discuss both views and give your own opinion

Crowds of people believe that toys should not be provided to a
child
Punctuation problem
child,
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 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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distracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
distract
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 them from their academics.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 others like to believe that toys help in a kid's education. A certain amount of the population believes that games will distract one's attention and proceed to ruin the bright future that lies ahead of them.
As a
Change preposition
A
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 person should only be focusing on their
education
Replace the word
educational
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 aspect of life
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will help them be successful humans in future. Considering that, the other slot of individuals are convinced by the fact that these fun-sized pieces help in developing an infant's brain and help them reach their true potential. I personally like to think that these fun little
pieces of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
puzzles help a child with their knowledge
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 not only
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 them have a fun childhood that everyone deserves. Pushing a kid to only focus on his/her school work will not only make the preschooler more reluctant to study but
also
Linking Words
distracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
distract
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 them from reaching all the shining possibilities that lie ahead of them. They
also
Linking Words
 help in engaging all senses
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is an important stage for development. Other than
this
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 helps them capture their curiosity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it provides problem-solving skills.
In addition
Linking Words
 to all of
this
Linking Words
, it assists in the development of hand-eye coordination.
Last
Linking Words
 but not
least
Punctuation problem
least,
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 it provides the little one with a stress-free, fun, happy childhood
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is a very important memory for the life waiting for them ahead. In my opinion, I would like
to conclude
Linking Words
 that toys help in developing a child's brain and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a very important part of one's childhood.

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task response
Provide a clearer introduction that states your opinion and outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'next', 'finally') to make your ideas flow better and connect with each other.
task response
Add more specific examples to support your points about how toys help with education and development.
coherence
Make sure to restate your opinion more clearly in the conclusion.
task response
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is good.
task response
The points about problem-solving skills and hand-eye coordination are relevant and interesting.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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