IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that students should acquire working experience during their gap year instead of travelling. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples

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Many young people choose to travel around the world during their gap year and enjoy life before their studies begin. Some are convinced that it would be more practical to spend that
time
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 working and gaining
experience
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.
Although
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time
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 is irreversible and it is important to use it for meaningful purposes I disagree with
this
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 opinion and think that
students
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 should enjoy travelling and relaxing before taking up their courses as their study years will be filled with difficult tasks and responsibilities to handle.
Firstly
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,
students
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 will have to concentrate most of their
time
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 on their studies, which will leave them with little or no
time
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 for travelling and enjoying life.
For example
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, they will have to attend classes and lectures ,will need to hand in assignments and prepare for exams.
Secondly
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, many of them may have to support themselves financially. Many universities and colleges are located in big cities away from home.They will have to
work
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 to pay for accommodation and food.
Moreover
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, most of the courses already have mandatory
work
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 placement included in their program where
students
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 are required to do certain hours of
work
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 during the year in the field of their studies.
Additionally
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,
students
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 can take up volunteer jobs and gain
experience
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 from that. Which are flexible in
time
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, and convenient for those who
also
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work
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.
However
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, it is true that gaining
experience
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 is vital for young people .It is well known that most companies nowadays value the knowledge gained from experiences more than the knowledge gained from studying.
For instance
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, many companies have set employment requirements for job applicants which can be a minimum of 2-3 years of
work
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experience
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 .
to conclude
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 many believe that
students
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 should not waste their
time
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 travelling during their gap year. In my opinion. The
students
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 should enjoy freedom before their busy university life begins.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more developed to effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The response is generally complete and contains clear and comprehensive ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion might need further development to fully address the task.
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