Some people are happy to stay in the same area for their whole life, while others prefer living in many different places. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today a lot of children take
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
jobs. In that
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
some people are wondering
should
Correct word choice
if should
show examples
children take
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
jobs in their free
time
or
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
should totally focus on their studies.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
the beginning, want to say that
school
is really important for our life. It gives children so many different skills. You can get a lot of theoretical knowledge.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
school
is a good way to make friends and develop your social skills.
However
,
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
takes too much
time
and it is really hard to go to the same place, talk with the same people and do the same work. It is exhausting and depressing. I guess that
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job can help to change the situation.
Besides
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
students can learn how to apply
knowledge
Add an article
the knowledge
show examples
that they get in
school
. They
also
can get new practical skills and you will earn a little money.
Nonetheless
,
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job can take a lot of
time
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
, so you need to clearly understand that it isn’t a joke and you will some of your energy to
this
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
must be a priority in your life, but
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job can be really useful in future.
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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