IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
There is no denying that discipline plays a pivotal role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shaping the future of the
community
. It has been a topic of debate for many years with some arguing that
culture
 gives opportunities only for individuals to find jobs with high salaries,
while
 others argue that it gives multiple advantages to the whole civilization. In
this
 ,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essay I will consider both sides. It is well established that the incomes of individuals directly depend on the level of their
culture
. If individuals studied
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 famous universities
such
 as Oxford and Harvard they are more likely to succeed and will get a prestigious
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. For ,instance well-known popular successful crowd namely Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates graduated from the best universities in the world. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
it is clear that
 giving quality
culture
 to the
community
 has numerous benefits for association too. Many universities strive to teach qualified managers who can create jobs in the future which is beneficial for the crowd. It can help to develop the economy in the country which in turn helps to improve the well-being of the
community
.
Moreover
 educated
community
 can help in the formation of a decent association. For ,example countries which have a good level of
culture
 have strong and steady economies
such
 as the USA and the UK. In conclusion, undoubtedly in university students acquire important skills and abilities which help them forward to get high-paid jobs. Simultaneously it is significantly beneficial for associations because it gives employment opportunities and boosts economic growth.
This
 factor reflects the well-being of the population. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Obviously
Add a comma
,Obviously
show examples
 both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 have their own arguments.
Submitted by dias-orazbaev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: