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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families, because of pressures of work. What problems does this create for individuals and their families? What solutions can you propose? Which would be the most effective solution, in your view?

#people #time #families #pressures #work #create #individuals
These days, technology not only develops but
also
 helps
people
 upgrade their lives, but
people
work
 and pressure on them increases, so they do not have any
time
 for everybody, particularly their
families
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the problems that are created for individuals and their
families
 and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. Unfortunately,
this
 kind of issue in which
people
 cannot visit their family has some bad effect on society
such
 as these kinds of
people
 after many
time
 their not only efficiency reduced but
also
 their manners change.
Firstly
, one society whose
people
 do not have any
time
 to spend with each other becomes ill because they do not have a nice free
time
;
then
 in their
work
, they cannot handle hard
work
;
furthermore
, their efficiency declines.
Secondly
,
this
 population after many times is not happy, yet their good behaviour alters to bad behaviour;
moreover
, they are really angry.
Nevertheless
, matters have some solutions that can fall bad inhabitant namely, children have to learn how can we spend with family and company must climb their leisure respectively have more influence. When in school the younger generation learns how they must spend
time
 with
families
 , especially in less
time
,
then
 in future, they will manage their
time
.
Also
, governments and companies can help society to improve;
therefore
, they can raise employees' free
time
 and spend less
time
 in the past in these surroundings. Later they can see these less
time
 is not wasted, and their goods have fewer problems. In conclusion, inhabitants whose having good relationships with their
families
 are the best
people
 in their careers.
Also
, these happen to need government
work
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully supported with relevant and specific examples. This adds depth to your arguments and makes them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more appropriate linking words and phrases. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Avoid repetitive sentence patterns.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
The main points are generally clear and cover the main aspects of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Flexible working hours**: Work schedules that allow employees to vary their arrival and departure times.
  • 2. **Remote working**: Working from a location other than the traditional office, usually from home.
  • 3. **Work-life balance**: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • 4. **Mental health**: A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.
  • 5. **Paid family leave**: Time off work with pay granted to employees to take care of family members.
  • 6. **Time management**: The process of planning and exercising conscious control of time spent on specific activities.
  • 7. **Prioritize**: To arrange or deal with in order of importance.
  • 8. **Guilt**: A feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.
  • 9. **Neglected**: Suffering a lack of proper care.
  • 10. **Behavioral issues**: Actions and mannerisms exhibited by individuals, often resulting from stress or emotional instability.
  • 11. **Support systems**: Networks of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.
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