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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not have strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Some nations have strict
laws
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 on the consumption of
alcohol
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while
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 others believe it is not a good solution. We will discuss both points of view in
this
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 essay. In my ,opinion strict
laws
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 do not eliminate the causes of the problem. Many countries try to stop adults from drinking
alcohol
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 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
means of various
laws
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 and punishments. Young
people
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, especially in their teens need lots of guidance. They are still learning the difference between good and bad. It is our responsibility to stop them from going on the wrong paths. The habits developed at
this
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 age sometimes stick with a person for
lifelong
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a long time
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. So we should be trying every means to prevent young ones from consuming any type of drugs.
Moreover
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, we are more prone to get addicted to drugs at early ages than later in life. On the other, many believe strict
laws
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 do little to solve
this
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 problem. It is human nature we fall for the things from which we are prohibited. Strict
laws
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 just make them more eager to drink
alcohol
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 when they become eligible.
Instead
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, we should focus more on teaching the negative impacts of
alcohol
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 .
People
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 should be shown the effects of
alcohol
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 on their health,mental and relationship.
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for
Capitalize word
For
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 example teens who grew up in a household where someone has a drinking problem are less likely to drink because they see how
alcohol
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 can destroy lives.
To conclude
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, In my ,opinion
people
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 should be discouraged from drinking
alcohol
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 . They should be taught in school the ill effects of consuming
alcohol
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. Teaching
people
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 that actions taken during
this
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 age will affect their whole life and
also
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 the
people
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 surrounding them will help them to make better decisions . Good counselling will have a far larger impact on reducing
alcohol
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 consumption than any law.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your opinions are clearly stated in the introduction. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
Focus on providing a more balanced discussion of both sides of the issue. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task prompt.
lexical resource
Enhance your lexical variety by using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider range of sentence structures, and pay attention to verb tense usage and subject-verb agreement to achieve greater grammatical accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
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