Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults while others say children should stay at their parent's house as long as possible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Life
is made up of various stages
such
as
child
Replace the word
childhood
show examples
, young
child
Replace the word
childhood
show examples
, adult, seniours,
old
Correct word choice
and old
show examples
each
stages
Change to a singular noun
stage
show examples
has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
own importance and role in
life
.
However
, As
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
up people think to encourage them to go out and live their
life
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own beside their
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
or some say should live with their
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
.
let
Add a missing verb
let's
show examples
discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both points of view and
conclued
Correct your spelling
concluded
conclude
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
reasonable statement. To commence with, the
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
of
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
to live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
with them
such
as
Change preposition
that
show examples
children can save their money for rent and other living
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
,
although
they will get money from their
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
to help them in
further
study in
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
or university.
Moreover
, adults can get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
from their
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
because they know them
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
better and they have their
life
eperience
Correct your spelling
experience
experiences
.
For example
, if any kid is stuck in
to choose
Change the verb form
choosing
show examples
a better
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
their
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
are first who can guide them
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
better option.
However
, If
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
young kid
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
out to choose
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
life
according to
their own
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
financial
or
emotionaly
Correct your spelling
emotionally
emotional
it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
better for them to experience the world
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own and learn at their own pace. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
, if a youngster go out to the world and face
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
own and learn
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
own makes them more confident and expert in their
life
. To
conclued
Correct your spelling
conclude
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
statments
Correct your spelling
statements
, young children are best suitable with their
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
by
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they are always
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
supervision and take
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
better care
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
socities
Correct your spelling
society
faulters
Correct your spelling
falters
show examples
.
whereas
, leaving
out from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home
is
Verb problem
makes it
show examples
hard for them to live and
Change preposition
apply
show examples
along
Change preposition
apply
show examples
make their
carrier
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by preetshergill197 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on structuring the essay more clearly. Organize your ideas into separate paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the prompt and provide clear, comprehensive ideas. Support your points with relevant and specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • financial responsibility
  • personal growth
  • life skills
  • household maintenance
  • emotional regulation
  • social skills
  • financial stability
  • supportive family environment
  • cultural expectations
  • familial duty
  • sense of security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: