IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public service instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #funds #service
There is no denying the fact that the main impact of
arts
 and
music
 is debatable.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that the authority must invest financially in improving social amenities
instead
 of junking the
money
 on
music
 and
arts
. From my perspective, I strongly believe that investing
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 in
arts
,
music
 and theatre might have more advantages for society. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain why I believe
this
. On one hand, financing
arts
 and
music
 can help in the development of the
country
.
For instance
, when the authority puts more
money
 into building museums and constructing theatres, it will attract several tourists from around the world to come and visit the city.
Consequently
, the growth in tourism can effectively help the
country
 to improve as it will have another financial source.
Thus
, it becomes apparent that funding
arts
,
music
 and theatre will positively aid in the advancement of the
country
.
In addition
, putting
money
 into
arts
 can benefit society to keep their own
heritage
.
For example
, a prestigious journal article published that 40% of the countries that funded
arts
 and
music
, kept their own beliefs and
heritage
. To illustrate, the citizens will feel more attached to their
country
's
heritage
 since the authority cares about the history and
arts
. Indeed,
this
 makes it clear that funding
arts
 and
music
 might have more merits for the community. In conclusion, in my opinion, I consider that financing
arts
, theatres and
music
 would be better than putting
money
 into public resources.
This
 is because
arts
 and theatre can improve tourism in urban areas which helps in the growth of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
as well as
 can help the population strengthen their own beliefs and
heritage
.
Submitted by mgumssan on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social cohesion
  • tangible benefits
  • economic growth
  • national identity
  • mental health
  • long-term cultural and emotional well-being
  • proportional allocation
  • economic development
  • diverse voices
  • immediate societal needs
  • non-monetary benefits
  • well-rounded society
  • stimulate local economies
  • boost tourism
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