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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given line graph illustrates the weekly
consumption
Use synonyms
 of four different types of meat (
fish
Use synonyms
,
lamb
Use synonyms
,
beef
Use synonyms
 and
chicken
Use synonyms
) in a European country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
lamb
Use synonyms
,
fish
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 and
beef
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consumption
Use synonyms
 reduced throughout the time period
while
Linking Words
chicken
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 rose.
Besides
Linking Words
, their least favourite of all time was
fish
Use synonyms
. To start with,
weekly
Correct article usage
the weekly
show examples
 intake of
fish
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 started at just over 50
grams
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 and it fluctuated over the period before it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lowest of roughly 48g in 1999.
Then
Linking Words
 slowly varied and climbed to roughly 49
grams
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
beef
Use synonyms
reported
Add a missing verb
was reported
show examples
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 220 per person in 1979 which was the most favourite type of meat in 1979.
However
Linking Words
,
beef
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 intake fluctuated in the following years and reached a peak of around 245g per week and
then
Linking Words
 figures declined to reach the lowest of roughly 100
grams
Use synonyms
 between 1999 and 2004.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
lamb
Use synonyms
 and
chicken
Use synonyms
 usage began at around 150
grams
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period.
Lamb
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 witnessed a decrement in the following two and half decades
while
Linking Words
 experiencing several fluctuations and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
60grams approximately.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
chicken
Use synonyms
 experienced an upward trend and reported the highest of 250g in 2004.
Submitted by dmdeemanthakasun on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, fish, lamb, beef, chicken, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • metric tons
  • fluctuations
  • upward/downward trend
  • stabilize
  • peak
  • trough
  • overtake
  • steady decline/increase
  • sustainable
  • dietary habits
  • preferences
  • health consciousness
  • per capita
  • poultry
  • veal
  • stagnant
  • gradual
  • surpass
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