Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some individuals think the definition of success depends on the amount of property. It is because the essence of money is
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the earning source that allows people to overcome almost whole situations in life. Even though I agree that currency can solve most problems, I disagree that success is only defined by the wealth of the individual, which is
also
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affected by other factors. The currency seems to be able to satisfy the basic needs for a living of most people in the world. It is because every physical material in the world has its own specific price tags,
such
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as houses, vehicles,
TV
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TVs
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, or even bare necessities.
Besides
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, non-physical consumption,
for example
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, travelling, and practical skills in work or study, which
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
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people to continue to improve themselves in their lives, require financial support as well.
Thus
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, under these circumstances, it seems like the more assets can be earned, the more fulfilling and enjoyable
soul
Correct article usage
the soul
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the individual can obtain.
However
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, another important factor for being successful should be spiritual aspects, like the relationships of humans with close friends or society. If a man consists
on
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of
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chasing after the achievement in
materials
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materialism
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, ignoring the relationships
from
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with
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those close to him, he will
finally
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feel lost because no one remains. It is because human beings are social animals, which means the bonds with others play a significant role in our
life
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lives
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.
Furthermore
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, the most successful figures in the world, like scientists, enjoy relatively poor living conditions with fewer physical properties but more from the
contribution
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contributions
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they made to society. They are loved and welcomed by the public for their achievements in their work. In conclusion, the wealth of the individual cannot define the success of a person.
While
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wealth can mean something in a person's improvement of growth, spiritual achievement,
such
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as the relationship with others or society,
also
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plays an essential role.

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task response
Your view is clear. Make the link between money and success more plain. Say why money helps some one, but not all.
task response
Add one strong example for each big idea. For example, a real life case or a clear tale.
coherence
Make flow smooth. Use simple words to join ideas with clear signs like first, also, but, so.
language
Check small grammar and form. Use simple and short sentences.
strength
Clear position against the statement.
strength
Good contrast between money and relations.
strength
Structure has three parts: intro, body, conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • fulfillment
  • personal happiness
  • contributions to society
  • volunteering
  • activism
  • personal achievements
  • academic accomplishments
  • mastering a skill
  • indicators of success
  • independent of monetary wealth
  • financial stability
  • monetary wealth
  • emotional well-being
  • societal impact
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