Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience

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wle
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We

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are
iving
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living

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in the salad days of the millennium, where people have to
work
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constantly,
in
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at

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a pace, to keep up with the technology and living cost. Some people assert that
the
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apply

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employees should not be allowed to
work
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beyond
the
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apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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retirement
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age
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. I completely agree with
this
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hypothesis.
This
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essay delves into the reasons for the statement. Primarily, after years of stress and unhealthy habits, every individual needs
time
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to repair their plummeting mental and
physcal
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physical

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health
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.
Retirement
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

age
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the
time
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for improving mental and physical
health
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, which
consequently
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results in
better
Add an article
a better

The noun phrase better quality seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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quality of
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

at later stages of
life
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.
For instance
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, in Japan, employees, after their
retirement
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, tend to
spent
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spend

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb spent. Consider changing it.

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more
time
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for exercises and healthy eating, which is stated as a reason for their higher
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life-expectancy
Correct your spelling
life expectancy

The word life-expectancy doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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.
Moreover
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, retirees get more
time
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to spend with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and to connect with them.
This
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family bonding
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is pertinent to ameliorate the
health
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and well-being of the whole family.
Secondly
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,
retirement
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ensures that there
is
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are

The singular verb form is does not seem to agree with the plural subject employment opportunities for younger generation. Consider changing the verb form.

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employment opportunities for
younger
Add an article
the younger

The noun phrase younger generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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generation as well.
Increase
Correct article usage
An increase

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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in
unemployment
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the unemployment

The noun phrase unemployment rate seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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rate is a cause for unrest and
surge
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a surge

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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in crime rates in
may
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many

The word may doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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countries around the globe. It is best illustrated
with
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by

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the
hightened
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heightened

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crime rates in Zambia and Nigeria, where the
retirement
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age
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is past seventy.
Further
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, the
umployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
employment

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holocaust
make
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makes

The plural verb make does not appear to agree with the singular subject the umployment holocaust. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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a place not suitable for habitation.
Additionally
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, the younger generation
have
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has

The plural verb have does not appear to agree with the singular subject the younger generation. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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more innovative ideas compared to the greying population
due to
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their higher exposure to information and technology.
This
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is crucial for the survival of an organisation in a competitive and consumerist era. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that people should be restricted to
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb work. Consider changing it.

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beyond a certain
age
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, as
this
Linking Words

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allocate
Correct subject-verb agreement
allocates

It seems that the verb allocate does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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better opportunities for
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger

The noun phrase younger generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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generation to
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and settle for their
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Further
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
retirement
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

provides better quality of
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

through improved physical and psychological
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for the greying community.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
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