IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience

#believe #people #work #age #retirement
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wle
Correct your spelling
We
 are
iving
Correct your spelling
living
 in the salad days of the millennium, where people have to
work
Use synonyms
 constantly,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a pace, to keep up with the technology and living cost. Some people assert that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees should not be allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 beyond
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 hypothesis.
This
Linking Words
 essay delves into the reasons for the statement. Primarily, after years of stress and unhealthy habits, every individual needs
time
Use synonyms
 to repair their plummeting mental and
physcal
Correct your spelling
physical
health
Use synonyms
.
Retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 is the
time
Use synonyms
 for improving mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
, which
consequently
Linking Words
 results in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality of
life
Use synonyms
 at later stages of
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, employees, after their
retirement
Use synonyms
, tend to
spent
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 for exercises and healthy eating, which is stated as a reason for their higher
Use synonyms
life-expectancy
Correct your spelling
life expectancy
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, retirees get more
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and to connect with them.
This
Linking Words
 family bonding
time
Use synonyms
 is pertinent to ameliorate the
health
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 and well-being of the whole family.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
retirement
Use synonyms
 ensures that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 employment opportunities for
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation as well.
Increase
Correct article usage
An increase
show examples
 in
unemployment
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the unemployment
show examples
 rate is a cause for unrest and
surge
Correct article usage
a surge
show examples
 in crime rates in
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 countries around the globe. It is best illustrated
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
hightened
Correct your spelling
heightened
 crime rates in Zambia and Nigeria, where the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 is past seventy.
Further
Linking Words
, the
umployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
employment
 holocaust
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 a place not suitable for habitation.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the younger generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more innovative ideas compared to the greying population
due to
Linking Words
 their higher exposure to information and technology.
This
Linking Words
 is crucial for the survival of an organisation in a competitive and consumerist era. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that people should be restricted to
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 beyond a certain
age
Use synonyms
, as
this
Linking Words
allocate
Correct subject-verb agreement
allocates
show examples
 better opportunities for
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
 generation to
work
Use synonyms
 and settle for their
life
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
,
retirement
Use synonyms
 provides better quality of
life
Use synonyms
 through improved physical and psychological
health
Use synonyms
 for the greying community.
Submitted by dtifaniya on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
What to do next:
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