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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and comparisons where relevant.
The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who have habits involved
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in five different cities in Australia named
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
Brisban
Use synonyms
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
, and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 is depicted in the given bar chart, the figure being mentioned in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who went to a cafe in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks was the highest,
while
Linking Words
 those who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 experienced the lowest percentage.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another critical point is that in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 the sum
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 who bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 was higher than those who went to cafes and bought fresh
coffee
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. Among five cities, the proportion of citizens of
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 who went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea was highest, accounting for approximately 63% in both cities. Followed by those living in
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
Brisban
Use synonyms
, and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
, with roughly 61%, 55%, and 39%, respectively.
Next,
Linking Words
the percentage of habitats in
Hobart
Use synonyms
,
Brisban
Use synonyms
, and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 who bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks was more than 50%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, those in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 were less than 50%.
Finally
Linking Words
, more than 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 staying in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
, and less than 40% of those in
Brisban
Use synonyms
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, coffee, sydney, melbourne, brisban, adelaide, hobart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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