The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem

#movement #people #areas #cities #work #places #measures

Nowadays majority of the individuals tend to migrate from rural

areas

to urban

areas

to earn a living cost.

However

this

not only presents some significant problems to the place they abandon but

also

the place where they move to.

Although

it has some bad effects on both places, the

government

could certainly take steps to address these issues. First and foremost, migration to urban

areas

causes some issues

such

as overpopulation and a competitive work environment. So having a

big

Correct word choice

large

show examples

quantity of individuals influences public transport where density populations are observed, in ,turn it creates traffic congestion.

In addition

people

who live downtown can have a threat of air pollution caused by the usage of many cars, which is not good for

people

’s health.

On the other hand

, when individuals reach cities, they are seen as ready to work for low wages.

This

results in job cuts among city dwellers, and financial crisis. The data given by Migration Data Portal that the world population living in urban

areas

is expected to increase from 55% in 2018 to 60% in 2030.

However

, these problems can be addressed, the first is that the

government

should more investments in the public transport system to prevent congestion. As most automobiles only have one driver,

people

can share their private vehicles to save space on the road and reduce air pollution.

Additionally

, the

government

should focus on arranging better job opportunities in

such

agricultural fields that

people

are not willing to move out in search better life.

In addition

, they should

rise

Correct your spelling

raise

show examples

the number of remote workers, so

thus

Correct your spelling

that

show examples

people

can work comfortably without leaving the place they stayed. In conclusion,

although

urbanization causes serious issues If the

government

takes the proper action,

this

issue can be resolved.

Submitted by qubadbeylilahe on Fri Feb 24 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there are some areas where the connection between ideas could be improved for better coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and fulfill their purpose. The essay provides relevant and comprehensive ideas throughout.

Task Achievement

The essay offers a complete and relevant response to the task. The ideas are generally well-developed with relevant examples, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic. However, there are areas where the connection between ideas could be improved for better coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now researching planets that could be a possible home, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

The best way to improve health is to exercise daily. To what extent do you agree?

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?