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Band 6

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem

#movement #people #areas #cities #work #places #measures
Nowadays majority of the individuals tend to migrate from rural
areas
 to urban
areas
 to earn a living cost.
However
,
this
 not only presents some significant problems to the place they abandon but
also
 the place where they move to.
Although
 it has some bad effects on both places, the
government
 could certainly take steps to address these issues. First and foremost, migration to urban
areas
 causes some issues
such
 as overpopulation and a competitive work environment. So having a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 quantity of individuals influences public transport where density populations are observed, in ,turn it creates traffic congestion.
In addition
,
people
 who live downtown can have a threat of air pollution caused by the usage of many cars, which is not good for
people
’s health.
On the other hand
, when individuals reach cities, they are seen as ready to work for low wages.
This
 results in job cuts among city dwellers, and financial crisis. The data given by Migration Data Portal that the world population living in urban
areas
 is expected to increase from 55% in 2018 to 60% in 2030.
However
, these problems can be addressed, the first is that the
government
 should more investments in the public transport system to prevent congestion. As most automobiles only have one driver,
people
 can share their private vehicles to save space on the road and reduce air pollution.
Additionally
, the
government
 should focus on arranging better job opportunities in
such
 agricultural fields that
people
 are not willing to move out in search better life.
In addition
, they should
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the number of remote workers, so
thus
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
people
 can work comfortably without leaving the place they stayed. In conclusion,
although
 urbanization causes serious issues If the
government
 takes the proper action,
this
 issue can be resolved.
Submitted by qubadbeylilahe on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there are some areas where the connection between ideas could be improved for better coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and fulfill their purpose. The essay provides relevant and comprehensive ideas throughout.
Task Achievement
The essay offers a complete and relevant response to the task. The ideas are generally well-developed with relevant examples, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic. However, there are areas where the connection between ideas could be improved for better coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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