IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people think that if plenty of death system introduce in country the crimate rate get decrease. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #plenty #death #system #country #crimate #rate #decrease
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The power of
Use synonyms
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
 has many
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
. It is commonly believed that
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty
associated
Add a missing verb
is associated
show examples
 with a
decline
Change the verb form
declining
show examples
 percentage of
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate. In apropos of
this
Linking Words
 sentence, I completely agree
due to
Linking Words
 the deterrent
effects
Use synonyms
 and the advantages. It is undisputable fact that
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
show examples
 as
punishment
Correct article usage
a punishment
show examples
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 deterrent
Use synonyms
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society because of
anxious
Replace the word
anxiety
show examples
. Whenever the
law
Use synonyms
published
Add a missing verb
is published
show examples
, people might be afraid to die
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 soon because they will think about their
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and family, resulting in plunging
down
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rate of crime.
Additionally
Linking Words
, people will act necessary and create a prosperous society. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, the government of China, create a
death
Use synonyms
law
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the corruption
presperators
Correct your spelling
respirators
perpetrators
, which decreases the number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
until
Change preposition
by
show examples
 20% compared to before the
law
Use synonyms
created
Add a missing verb
was created
show examples
. Another point to consider is the positive
effects
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
death
Use synonyms
 penalty which are reducing the population
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 its
country
Use synonyms
, the
prison
Use synonyms
 costs and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental illness. Presumably, too much population is not superficial, yet executions
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the best options.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
executions
is happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
, the cost of
prison
Use synonyms
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
drop, and the
country
Use synonyms
's funds will be higher than usual.
In addition
Linking Words
, if the
prosperators
Correct your spelling
prospectors
operators
jailed
Add a missing verb
are jailed
show examples
 in the
prison
Use synonyms
, there is
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 percentage of mental illness because their sins
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been recorded.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I strongly agree
too
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 execute
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals because of the deterrent
effects
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society and reducing mental illness,
prison
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
, and population in the
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rafiaufa18 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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