The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #attendance #entertainment #venues #admission #prices #summarise #features #comparisons

In the chart presented, we can immediately see how

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

admission

prices

can affect attendance at different entertainment events. If

sports

reached almost 200 thousand visits in 2009 , cinemas received over 1 million visitors in 2009. When examining and making a comparison of the table with

prices

, we can see that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

an average family of 4 people will spend 55$ on tickets to the cinema. If

this

same family to attends the theme park, they will spend 210$ which is around 4 times more than the cinema. Different

sports

games have different ticket

prices

but football matches will cost a family 280$ which is almost 6 times more than a visit to the cinema.

this

may explain why fewer people attend

sports

venues than cinemas. We can

also

compare the different kinds of

sports

venues. If one wants to visit a

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

game it will be cheaper to visit a cricket game than go to a football match. Looks like the popularity of venue attendance is determined by the

prices

of tickets.

Submitted by jacob17.y on Fri Feb 24 2023

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.

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Basic structure: Change the eighth paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the ninth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words prices, sports with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.

▼

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

9 paragraphs

173 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

In many countries legal driving age is 18 years old. Some people believe it is the right age to learn how to drive a car, whereas others say that the minimum age should be 25. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In many countries, the rate of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with this?

University students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their studies. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.