The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

In the chart presented, we can immediately see how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
admission
prices
can affect attendance at different entertainment events. If
sports
reached almost 200 thousand visits in 2009 , cinemas received over 1 million visitors in 2009. When examining and making a comparison of the table with
prices
, we can see that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
an average family of 4 people will spend 55$ on tickets to the cinema. If
this
same family to attends the theme park, they will spend 210$ which is around 4 times more than the cinema. Different
sports
games have different ticket
prices
but football matches will cost a family 280$ which is almost 6 times more than a visit to the cinema.
this
may explain why fewer people attend
sports
venues than cinemas. We can
also
compare the different kinds of
sports
venues. If one wants to visit a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
game it will be cheaper to visit a cricket game than go to a football match. Looks like the popularity of venue attendance is determined by the
prices
of tickets.
Submitted by jacob17.y on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the eighth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the ninth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words prices, sports with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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