The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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In the chart presented, we can immediately see how

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

admission

prices

Use synonyms

can affect attendance at different entertainment events. If

sports

Use synonyms

reached almost 200 thousand visits in 2009 , cinemas received over 1 million visitors in 2009. When examining and making a comparison of the table with

prices

Use synonyms

, we can see that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

an average family of 4 people will spend 55$ on tickets to the cinema. If

this

Linking Words

same family to attends the theme park, they will spend 210$ which is around 4 times more than the cinema. Different

sports

Use synonyms

games have different ticket

prices

Use synonyms

but football matches will cost a family 280$ which is almost 6 times more than a visit to the cinema.

this

Linking Words

may explain why fewer people attend

sports

Use synonyms

venues than cinemas. We can

also

Linking Words

compare the different kinds of

sports

Use synonyms

venues. If one wants to visit a

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

game it will be cheaper to visit a cricket game than go to a football match. Looks like the popularity of venue attendance is determined by the

prices

Use synonyms

of tickets.

jacob17.yFri Feb 24 2023

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.

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Basic structure: Change the eighth paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the ninth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words prices, sports with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.

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2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

9 paragraphs

173 words

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The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now researching planets that could be a possible home, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for company or organization. why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advatnages adn disadvantages of giving children this message?

Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel by cars while others consider bicycle more