Shops should not allowed to sell any food and drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people #health

The commercial store needs to stop selling edible

products

that consist of chemicals that will harm individuals' health.

This

essay is totally agreed to ban or not

allowing

Wrong verb form

allow

show examples

shops to sell

food

and drink

products

that are not good for

people

's health, by doing that we can avoid the sickness caused by chemicals.

In addition

, it will help society to have a healthy lifestyle and improve individuals' productivity. There are some

food

and drink

products

that are mouth-watery and eye-appealing to the public,

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

these can cause sickness.

such

as diabetes and colon cancer by consuming lots of junk foods and sugary sodas. For ,example study has proven that eating often instant noodles can

affects

Wrong verb form

affect

show examples

people

's intestines

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

cause cancer. In ,addition drinking soda

products

leads to high sugar and jeopardize human. By avoiding selling those

products

people

's lifestyles will be able to change from being unhealthy to becoming healthy well being and productivity will improve.

People

will encourage to eat and drink healthy

products

such

as fresh juices, vegetables and fruits.

Furthermore

, the family may have more bonding time by eating at home cooked by their parents.

For example

, in Japan

people

don't often eat in restaurants rather they are focusing on homemade

food

and cooked their own

food

at home and shared it together. In conclusion, banning to

sale

Add an article

the sale

show examples

food

and

drinks

Change the noun form

drink

show examples

products

that can cause harm to

people

's health and focusing rather on society's healthy lifestyle is most important.

Furthermore

, practising cooking at home has a

lot

Add the preposition

oflot

show examples

effects not only on a healthy body but

also

on a healthy mind, not only for yourself but for the

people

around you.

Submitted by miemieperez on Fri Feb 24 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Most young people without a partner would prefer to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Yet being in a relationship when you are young is not always a good idea. As part of a class project, write about whether you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your choices.
Nowadays, there are numerous young people who wants to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. However, being in a relationship is not always a good choice. As such, there are merits and demerits to this idea, although I opine that its demerits outweigh the merits. I completely disagree to this idea, because having relationship in such of young age will bring numerous demerits on children life. They will not focus on their study.
<4
band
Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of the crime, while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Certainly! To elaborate further, addressing the root causes of crime can involve a focus on early intervention and prevention programs, such as after-school programs and community outreach, designed to provide youth with positive role models and support networks, and prevent them from engaging in risky behaviors that lead to criminal activity. Additionally, improving access to education, healthcare, and employment opportunities can help to reduce poverty and inequality, which are major factors associated with higher rates of crime. On the other hand, punishment and law enforcement measures can include increased police presence and harsher sentencing guidelines, which may deter criminal activity in the short term. However, these measures can also lead to over-incarceration and increased racial disparities in the criminal justice system, and may not address the underlying factors that lead to criminal behavior. Thus, a balanced approach that incorporates both prevention and punishment...
6.5
band
Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, it is becoming common for people to spend a lot on celebrations such as weddings, and birthdays. However, some societies believe it is just a waste of payment, while others argue that it is important for individuals and society. In fact, I side with those who believe that it is necessary to spend a lot on celebrations.
5.5
band
A lot of companies and organizations require employees to wear uniforms. Which kind of jobs are uniforms suitable for? Are there any disadvantages to wearing a uniform to work?
So many companies make their stuffs wear a similar cloth, to be united. But a portion of people believes that it has unwanted effects on their freedom. It is hard to tell which aspect is accurate. But frankly, making people do something for a constant time leads to violence or disobedient reactions in future.
6
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that increasing the prices of sugary products would lead to preventing people from eating large quantities of sugar. In my opinion, I believe this decision isnot enough for stimulating individuals for using these type of goods because they are not aware of the negative impact of sugar on their health.

Shops should not allowed to sell any food and drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Most young people without a partner would prefer to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Yet being in a relationship when you are young is not always a good idea. As part of a class project, write about whether you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your choices.

Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of the crime, while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A lot of companies and organizations require employees to wear uniforms. Which kind of jobs are uniforms suitable for? Are there any disadvantages to wearing a uniform to work?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?