IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Shops should not allowed to sell any food and drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people #health
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The commercial store needs to stop selling edible
products
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 that consist of chemicals that will harm individuals' health.
This
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 essay is totally agreed to ban or not
allowing
Wrong verb form
allow
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 shops to sell
food
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 and drink
products
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 that are not good for
people
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's health, by doing that we can avoid the sickness caused by chemicals.
In addition
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, it will help society to have a healthy lifestyle and improve individuals' productivity. There are some
food
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 and drink
products
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 that are mouth-watery and eye-appealing to the public,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 these can cause sickness.
such
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 as diabetes and colon cancer by consuming lots of junk foods and sugary sodas. For ,example study has proven that eating often instant noodles can
affects
Wrong verb form
affect
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people
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's intestines
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 cause cancer. In ,addition drinking soda
products
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 leads to high sugar and jeopardize human. By avoiding selling those
products
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people
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's lifestyles will be able to change from being unhealthy to becoming healthy well being and productivity will improve.
People
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 will encourage to eat and drink healthy
products
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such
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 as fresh juices, vegetables and fruits.
Furthermore
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, the family may have more bonding time by eating at home cooked by their parents.
For example
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, in Japan
people
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 don't often eat in restaurants rather they are focusing on homemade
food
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 and cooked their own
food
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 at home and shared it together. In conclusion, banning to
sale
Add an article
the sale
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 of
food
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 and
drinks
Change the noun form
drink
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products
Use synonyms
 that can cause harm to
people
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's health and focusing rather on society's healthy lifestyle is most important.
Furthermore
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, practising cooking at home has a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
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 effects not only on a healthy body but
also
Linking Words
 on a healthy mind, not only for yourself but for the
people
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 around you.
Submitted by miemieperez on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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