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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004

The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004
This
Linking Words
 bar chart depicts the yearly pay (thousand of dollars) for
doctors
Use synonyms
 and other employees in different seven nations:
France
Use synonyms
, Italy,
Czech
Correct article usage
the Czech
show examples
 Republic, Germany, Finland, Switzerland, and
Unitedstates
Correct your spelling
United states
 in 2004. It is clear from the graph that the yearly salary for
doctors
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 had the highest rate from other countries.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, Laborers in other
jops representes
Correct your spelling
jobs represent
 insignificant rates of annual salary. As we can see in
this
Linking Words
 graph that Italy,
Correct article usage
the czech
show examples
czech
Change the capitalization
Czech
show examples
 Republic, and Germany take
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same pattern regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
annual income about 25 thousand dollars.
Addtionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
 they
were have
Change the verb form
had
show examples
 the lowest salaries in
first
Add an article
the first
a first
show examples
 order. And, Finland
exactly
Add a missing verb
is exactly
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25,000 USD,
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
France
Use synonyms
 comes with around half,
switzerland
Change the capitalization
Switzerland
show examples
 at around the same as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 at 47,000 dollars.
Next,
Linking Words
The USA shows the major rates, As we can see
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Use synonyms
doctors
Change noun form
doctor's
doctors'
show examples
 yearly pay that have
a substantial numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
substantial numbers
a substantial number
show examples
. So,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States come
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 stage,
Then
Linking Words
switzerland
Change the capitalization
Switzerland
show examples
 comes
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
second
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
After
Correct word choice
and After
show examples
 that
France
Use synonyms
 comes
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 third.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 we can see Italy,
Czech
Correct article usage
the Czech
show examples
 Republic, and Germany almost have
a similar rates
Correct the article-noun agreement
similar rates
a similar rate
show examples
 of yearly salary.
To sum up
Linking Words
, We could say that
doctors
Use synonyms
 make up the highest earning annually
in contrast
Linking Words
 to other workers.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words doctors, france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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