The pie chart shows change sin 4 employment sector in two towns.

The pie chart shows change sin 4 employment sector in two towns.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two pie charts show employment in manufacturing, hospitality, engineering, and teaching in two towns in the years 2009 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
there was a significant increase in the number of
people
Use synonyms
employed in the manufacturing
sector
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
in town B, fewer
people
Use synonyms
were employed in the same
sector
Use synonyms
. In town A, the number of
people
Use synonyms
employed in the manufacturing
sector
Use synonyms
in 2009 was 20%, which became tripled in 2020, accounting for 60%. Hospitality experienced a mere difference of only 4% in 2020. Meanwhile, the engineering
sector
Use synonyms
accounted for 60% of employed
people
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
figure observed a huge fall by 2020, standing at 17%.
However
Linking Words
, the teaching
sector
Use synonyms
did not change much. In regard to town B, 2/5
people
Use synonyms
had been employed in manufacturing, which declined to a quarter in 2020.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
almost doubled in 2020.
However
Linking Words
, the ratio remained stable for engineering at 35% in both years.
While
Linking Words
the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
employed in hospitality increased by 5% after 11 years.
Submitted by kaur.gurbhage on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sector with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: