The pie chart shows change sin 4 employment sector in two towns.

The pie chart shows change sin 4 employment sector in two towns.
The two pie charts show employment in manufacturing, hospitality, engineering, and teaching in two towns in the years 2009 and 2020.
Overall
,
it is clear that
there was a significant increase in the number of
people
employed in the manufacturing
sector
while
in town B, fewer
people
were employed in the same
sector
. In town A, the number of
people
employed in the manufacturing
sector
in 2009 was 20%, which became tripled in 2020, accounting for 60%. Hospitality experienced a mere difference of only 4% in 2020. Meanwhile, the engineering
sector
accounted for 60% of employed
people
, but
this
figure observed a huge fall by 2020, standing at 17%.
However
, the teaching
sector
did not change much. In regard to town B, 2/5
people
had been employed in manufacturing, which declined to a quarter in 2020.
However
, the proportion of
people
in
Change preposition
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show examples
teaching
was
Unnecessary verb
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almost doubled in 2020.
However
, the ratio remained stable for engineering at 35% in both years.
While
the percentage of
people
employed in hospitality increased by 5% after 11 years.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sector with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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