The pie chart shows change sin 4 employment sector in two towns.

The pie chart shows change sin 4 employment sector in two towns.
The two pie charts show employment in manufacturing, hospitality, engineering, and teaching in two towns in the years 2009 and 2020.
Overall
,
it is clear that
there was a significant increase in the number of
people
employed in the manufacturing
sector
while
in town B, fewer
people
were employed in the same
sector
. In town A, the number of
people
employed in the manufacturing
sector
in 2009 was 20%, which became tripled in 2020, accounting for 60%. Hospitality experienced a mere difference of only 4% in 2020. Meanwhile, the engineering
sector
accounted for 60% of employed
people
, but
this
figure observed a huge fall by 2020, standing at 17%.
However
, the teaching
sector
did not change much. In regard to town B, 2/5
people
had been employed in manufacturing, which declined to a quarter in 2020.
However
, the proportion of
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
almost doubled in 2020.
However
, the ratio remained stable for engineering at 35% in both years.
While
the percentage of
people
employed in hospitality increased by 5% after 11 years.
Submitted by kaur.gurbhage on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sector with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: