IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success comes from hard work and determination . But some people believe that money and physical appearances are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #work #determination #money #appearances
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It
Correct pronoun usage
Some
show examples
 is argued that hard
work
Use synonyms
 and
dedication
Use synonyms
 are important in
order
Use synonyms
 to become successful
while
Linking Words
 others believe that wealth and a
persons
Change noun form
person's
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 outlook are more important .
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that without hard and
dedication
Use synonyms
 no
one
Use synonyms
 can become successful. In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, no
one
Use synonyms
 can become successful without patience and determination. In
order
Use synonyms
 to complete a task ,
one
Use synonyms
 needs to have an aim and
work
Use synonyms
 hard. Without hard
work
Use synonyms
 and
dedication
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
 cannot achieve his
desire
Replace the word
desired
show examples
 score . It
is not guarantee
Change the verb form
is not guaranteed
show examples
 that
one
Use synonyms
 will be able to complete the task
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his first attempt .
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 hard
work
Use synonyms
 is important .
For instance
Linking Words
 , an average student will do good results if he stays punctual and
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
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 hard . Meanwhile , a talented student will do
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 result if he does not stay sincere
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his studies .
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 hard
work
Use synonyms
 and
dedication
Use synonyms
 are very important in our life . Some people believe that money and physical appearance are important in
order
Use synonyms
 to become successful .
However
Linking Words
 , money helps a person to be
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 becoming successful. Physical appearances are not important in
order
Use synonyms
 to become successful .
For example
Linking Words
 , a person from a rich family will not be successful even if he has enough wealth . In conclusion, without hard and
dedication
Use synonyms
 no
one
Use synonyms
 can become successful. These two are the main pillars
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
order
Use synonyms
 to become successful. Money and physical
appearances
Fix the agreement mistake
appearance
show examples
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not play any role to become successful.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they are not important.
Submitted by nislam1803 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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