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Band 5.5

More and more people today are drinking sugar based drinks. What are the reasons for this ? What are the solutions.

#people #sugar #drinks
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There is no denying the fact that the main impact of unhealthy
drinks
 is debatable.
While
 it is a
commonly
Change the adverb
common
show examples
belief
Replace the word
believed
show examples
 that unhealthy
drinks
 high in sugars may put a negative impact on health. In
this
 essay, I will give the reasons and the solutions to unhealthy
drinks
. There are several reasons that make unhealthy drinking highly popular.
Firstly
, the enormous advertisement campaign from
sugar
-drinking companies made teenagers become addicted to
such
drinks
.
For example
,
while
 driving your car you will notice many advertisements about
sugar
drinks
.
Furthermore
, many media influencers have several advertised
sugar
drinks
 and motivated
people
 to buy them.
People
 find it accessible everywhere they are able to buy it
as well as
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 handy for kids as there is no age restriction on
sugar
drinks
.
Thus
,
this
 makes it clear
such
 advertisements can make
sugar
drinks
 fast spread globally.
On the other hand
, there are certain solutions to drinking sugary
drinks
. Education is the main way to tackle
this
 issue.
People
 need to be aware of the effects so they can avoid the problem as they need to understand clearly the danger of sugary
drinks
 on their health.
Furthermore
, the government must ban
such
 advertising. The authority could
also
 use infomercials to educate their citizens about the deteriorated negative effects of sugary
drinks
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary drink has increasingly spread among individuals.
This
 is because of the excessive use of advertising for
such
drinks
. The authority must stop
such
 advertising and prevent supermarkets to sell them.
Moreover
,
people
 need to be educated about the problem of
such
drinks
 on health.
Submitted by mgumssan on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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