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Band 5.5

More and more people today are drinking sugar based drinks. What are the reasons for this ? What are the solutions.

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There is no denying the fact that the main impact of unhealthy
drinks
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 is debatable.
While
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 it is a
commonly
Change the adverb
common
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belief
Replace the word
believed
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 that unhealthy
drinks
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 high in sugars may put a negative impact on health. In
this
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 essay, I will give the reasons and the solutions to unhealthy
drinks
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. There are several reasons that make unhealthy drinking highly popular.
Firstly
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, the enormous advertisement campaign from
sugar
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-drinking companies made teenagers become addicted to
such
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drinks
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.
For example
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,
while
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 driving your car you will notice many advertisements about
sugar
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drinks
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.
Furthermore
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, many media influencers have several advertised
sugar
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drinks
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 and motivated
people
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 to buy them.
People
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 find it accessible everywhere they are able to buy it
as well as
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it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
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 handy for kids as there is no age restriction on
sugar
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drinks
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.
Thus
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,
this
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 makes it clear
such
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 advertisements can make
sugar
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drinks
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 fast spread globally.
On the other hand
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, there are certain solutions to drinking sugary
drinks
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. Education is the main way to tackle
this
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 issue.
People
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 need to be aware of the effects so they can avoid the problem as they need to understand clearly the danger of sugary
drinks
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 on their health.
Furthermore
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, the government must ban
such
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 advertising. The authority could
also
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 use infomercials to educate their citizens about the deteriorated negative effects of sugary
drinks
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. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sugary drink has increasingly spread among individuals.
This
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 is because of the excessive use of advertising for
such
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drinks
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. The authority must stop
such
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 advertising and prevent supermarkets to sell them.
Moreover
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,
people
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 need to be educated about the problem of
such
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drinks
Use synonyms
 on health.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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