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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The 3 pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001.

The 3 pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001.
#show #changes #uk #school
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The given charts show the change in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the spendings
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spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 of a school in the UK in 3 different
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the countrys
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countrys
Correct your spelling
countries
country's
teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
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salary
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 has had the highest amount
spending
Change preposition
of spending
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 for the school in all three
years
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. 40% of the
schools
Change to a genitive case
school's
schools'
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Use synonyms
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in 1981 was the
teachers
Change to a genitive case
teacher's
teachers'
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salary
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, the same goes for the
year
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 1991 the
year
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 in which exactly half of the total
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spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 was made up by the education
system
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system's
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salary
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 showing a 10% increase compared to the previous
year
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. In 2001 the
salary
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 is 45%, still the highest number in the chart
however
Linking Words
 it is 5% less than
1991
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in 1991
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 and 5% more than
1981
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in 1981
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. The least amount of
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spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 in the first
year
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 was contributed to insurance with 2%. Insurance has
also
Linking Words
 the least amount of spending in the next
year
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, 1991.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 there is a 1% difference making the second
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years
Change noun form
year's
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insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
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 spending a bit more than the first one. In the
last
Linking Words
year
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, 2001, insurance still is the lowest but the percentage has increased to 8% which is much more than the other two
years
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.
Submitted by mehrafarin084 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words spendings, years, salary, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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