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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that a person's culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that has only a minor influence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

There are various factors that affect how
people
Use synonyms
 live throughout their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that individuals'
cultures
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 are primarily influenced by
a
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 country of origin, others believe that they have a minor effect on their beliefs and acts. I generally agree with the former view for the following reasons. On one hand, it is an undeniable fact that native
cultures
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 have a direct impact on individual thoughts and acts as they are embedded deeply with them since their childhood.
For example
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, many Japanese
people
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 tend to consume more rice and fish on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis because of the huge influence of its tradition.
In addition
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, diligent attitudes can be seen among many Japanese students and workers as they are raised in a country where
people
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 put more emphasis on hard work in every aspect of
life
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.
In other words
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, deeply adapting to the unique lifestyle of the native country makes it more difficult for them to alter their habits.
On the other hand
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, in spite of the incredible impacts of the traditional culture on individuals, the growing trend of
globalization
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globalisation
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 reduces its significance. Indeed,
people
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 living today gain more interaction with different
cultures
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 thanks to the rapid
advance
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advances
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of
Change preposition
in
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 technology and transportation.
As a result
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, various ideas and materials
such
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 as food, music and clothing are frequently imported from foreign nations.
This
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 allows different styles of living to be provided to facilitate their everyday
life
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.
Therefore
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, the acts and beliefs of individuals are not necessarily tied to their original countries as they gain more diverse cultural experiences. In conclusion, the original culture has had a definite and continuous effect on the
individual
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individual's
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 lifestyle throughout their
life
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.
However
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, the current flow of international
cultures
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 makes their lives more diverse.

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task
Be clear about your view in the opening and keep it steady.
task
Give both sides one strong reason and add simple examples for each.
structure
Use short sentences and simple words to keep ideas easy.
coherence
Link ideas with small words like and, but, also to make the text smooth.
coherence
End with a short sum that repeats your view.
content
Idea is clear and the view is stated.
structure
Two sides are shown in good order.
coherence
The text has good link words to join ideas.
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