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Band 6.5

Some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion?

#people #children #time #activities #waste
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Certain people claim that
children
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 must spend leisure
time
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 only learning because other ways lead to
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
show examples
 their
time
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. I absolutely disagree with
this
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 statement, unless it significantly develops their education. In general, all
children
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 and youngsters must not be educated for the whole
time
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, since devoting childhood barely to studying causes delayed personal development. Childhood is a major period, which contains important processes apart from studying. One clear example is a hobby, and little ones need to spend their free
time
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 with it, because it gives them an opportunity to feel pleasure ,unlike educational
activities
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.
In addition
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, if
children
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's all free
time
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 includes educational
activities
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 they won’t have
time
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 for relationships and friends, whereby they will be socially inactive.
Therefore
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, even education should not take
children
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 full
time
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. It is obvious that most
children
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 find it difficult to educate, and it makes them tired.
Consequently
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, they must have an amount of
time
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 that does not contain any educational
activities
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, because spending
time
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 only for studying has negative results.
For instance
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, sitting at a desk and studying day long can be the reason for physical weakness, so
children
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 must have free
time
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 to play, run and jump and etc. As I said education process gives fatigue, exactly not only physical but
also
Linking Words
 emotional.
Subsequently
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, a child who felt emotionally tired won’t wish to do anything ,
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moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 there can occur depression and
stressed
Replace the word
stress
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. In conclusion, overeducating of
children
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 could be a reason for serious issues
such
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 as stress or tiredness. I believe that
children
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also
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 must have free
time
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, and educational
activities
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 need to be limited.
Submitted by Deadline 8th April IELTS on

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