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Band 5.5

The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country.  Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #government #country #outweigh
Nowadays, there are some
people
 who
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that the world should be ruled by only
one
 political authority rather than a country with its
government
Correct word choice
own government
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
 is a matter of debate in light of different factors before any conclusion can be drawn. On the
one
 hand, there are several benefits of a
one
-world
government
.
Firstly
,
people
 can travel overseas without worrying about visas or languages.
This
 is because there is only
one
 country and individuals can travel from city to city, during weekends or holidays easily.
Thus
, the living standard will be increased as a monumental achievement.
Secondly
, in terms of economy, there is only
one
 currency for every transaction under the sun. Companies no longer have to worry about the exchange rate, which plays an important role in trading businesses.
For example
, a logistics company will heavily depend on the fluctuation of the currency.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages of
one
government
. In terms of cultural diversity,
people
 will forget about the
convention
Fix the agreement mistake
conventions
show examples
 of their nations.
This
 can be explained by the
one
 single nation does not have its own history and traditions, no longer do citizens remember their ancestors, and origins.
Additionally
, the connection between language, culture, and humans is inextricably intertwined. Another drawback of
this
 is that many
people
 believing in different religions will claim
this
 as a repressive measure. It seems that there is no point
to accept
Change preposition
in accepting
show examples
one
government
 in the world. In conclusion, a
one
-world
government
 is a two-sided sword, which has more benefits compared to drawbacks.
Submitted by wbvovo on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides arguments for both sides, but the conclusion could be clearer. Consider providing a stronger and more decisive concluding statement.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas and uses a variety of linking words and cohesive devices. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to better frame the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • centralized policies
  • international cooperation
  • global economy
  • trade barriers
  • military spending
  • authoritarian control
  • cultural diversity
  • national identities
  • local issues
  • homogenized
  • decision-making
  • democratic representation
  • world peacekeeping force
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