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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. Others feel that it is beneficial for society at large. Do the advantages of patriotism outweigh its disadvantages

#people #patriotism #society
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There is an argument that some
people
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 think
patriotism
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 results in some issues
while
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 others assume that it is efficient
to
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for
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 the community in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 big picture. In my opinion,
drawbacks
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the drawbacks
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 of
patriotism
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 will be over
it’s
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its
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 benefits because of
racism
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, and
negative
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its negative
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 impact on
world
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 peace.
Firstly
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, some
people
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 think that
patriotism
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 is crucial for society because it promotes
nationality’s
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nationality
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history
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, and
tradition
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.
Patriotism
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 plays a huge role
of
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in
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country’s
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the country’s
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history
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 and future since it is about
pride
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the pride
a pride
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 of the nation.
People
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 who usually remember about
nation’s
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history
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 are likely to inherit their
history
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to
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from
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the
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their
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 children.
This
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 will be
great
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a great
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 benefit
in
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to
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 the future of
nation
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the nation
a nation
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.
Moreover
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, patriotic
people
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 usually discuss
about
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apply
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their
nation’s
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 culture and
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tradition
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traditions
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. It can influence
tradition
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’s development in a positive way. These
people
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 seek to improve their
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tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 and advertise about own country
to
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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worldwide.
Although
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,
patriotism
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effects
Correct your spelling
affects
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to
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apply
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the
nation’s
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 development in a good way, it mostly directs to the wrong results. Unfortunately, patriotic view leads to
racism
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 in
the
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apply
show examples
most countries
,
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apply
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 and
confliction
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conflict
show examples
 between countries. There are many local groups which aim
for broadening
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to broaden
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patriotism
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 by judging minority groups. They differentiate
other minor group
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another minor group
other minor groups
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 as low-level and consider their country as the greatest.
This
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 view
is resulting
Wrong verb form
results
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 in
racism
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around
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in
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 the community.
For instance
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, Hitler started 2nd
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world war
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World War
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inspiring
Wrong verb form
inspired
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 by his
patriotism
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,
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apply
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 and racist view
on
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of
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 Jewish
people
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.
This
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history
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 reminds us how
patriotism
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 leads to danger when it is overused.
Moreover
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,
patriotism
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 is destroying some countries’ diplomatic relations in some
case
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cases
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 because of biased
people
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 in national culture only. In
patriotism
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,
people
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 mostly assume their
nations
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nation
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better
Add a missing verb
is better
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 than other countries, which brings misunderstanding between nations. it is affecting
to
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apply
show examples
diplomatic relations, and
world
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 peace in a bad way. To summarize,
patriotism
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 could be beneficial to
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nation’s
Correct article usage
a nation’s
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history
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 and
tradition
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 since it is related to
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nation’s
Correct article usage
a nation’s
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 pride.
However
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, I think
patriotism
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 has negative impacts
overall
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 because it causes
racism
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 between nations, and
effecting to
Verb problem
affects
show examples
world
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 peace since
people
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 concentrate on only
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
nation’s
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interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Submitted by ganorgil0927 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented in a rather unorganized manner, which affects coherence and makes the essay difficult to follow.
task response
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of patriotism. However, the response lacks depth, and the arguments are not adequately supported with relevant examples. The essay should provide a more balanced analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of patriotism and present a clear opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters
  • sense of belonging
  • strengthening societal bonds
  • instills
  • pride and loyalty
  • excessive
  • nationalism
  • intolerance
  • discrimination
  • conflict
  • blind allegiance
  • flawed policies
  • unifying force
  • crisis
  • manipulated
  • political leaders
  • division
  • advocating
  • responsibility
  • civic duty
  • engaged
  • informed citizenship
  • balanced and inclusive
  • cultural diversity
  • marginalize
  • minority groups
  • stifle dissent
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